Mozart's Requiem, "Lacrimosa"
Tori Amos, "Strange Little Girl"
Nirvana, "Polly" (From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah)
NIN, "The Fragile" (And All that could Have Been)
Dead Can Dance, "The Snake and the Moon" (edit)
Poe, "Fly Away"
Ekova, "The Storm"
Nine Inch Nails, "Complication"
Ella Fitzgerald, "Mack the Knife"
Remy Zero, "Life in Rain"
Nirvana, "Frances Farmer will have Her Revenge on Seattle"
(Don't know the artist)"Show Room Dummies" (from the Y tu Mamá También soundtrack)
TMBG, "Older"
Bjork, "Isobel"
The Crystal Method, "PHD"
Korn, "Chasing Me"
Bjork, "Enjoy" (Telegram)
They Might Be Giants, "Meet James Ensor"
Tori Amos, "'97 Bonnie & Clyde"
Tlen-Huicani (I don't know the name of the song, probably something like Que voy a Hacer)
Tori Amos, "Beauty Queen/Horses"
NIN, "The Great Collapse" (Things Fall Apart)
30 Seconds to Mars, Capricorn [A Brand New Name]

Blah, work is work. stupid and boring and annoying. I want to go back to yesterday, or really any of the last three days where I wasn't here.

I either need to be filthy rich or have complete mastery of time, able to travel back and forth or just stay some time or skip some time. *sigh*

Currently and for most of the day my upper sholders and neck have been aching and sore making me wish I could just give up and cry. But at least my desk has been moved. Upside: no annoying neighbors (at the moment), downside: management sits right behind me.

So let's see. Money was starting to show signs of failing me again (though I will soon have a fair chunk of it coming to me, responsibility-free) and then my car very nearly died this weekend. So this weekend ended up being very expensive, with little to show for it.

Friday I was exhausted when I dragged my sorry ass into work, despite it being a four-day week. My energy has been drained and very little in my life is a useful source of energy. I am energy deficient. To top it off it was the last day at work for my bud, Gregorio. Damn him, he's going off to New York to set his life back online. *sighs* I met him at USC's School of Theatre. He told me about this place (that I occasionally refer to as Hell, but it was fun when he started) and he got me an interview. So I owe my current employed state to him. Bastard.

Friday evening Molasses and I attended the other chapter's Mage game. Pretty fun though my character *really* should have died. A nearly paradox-free paradigm means you die when you're not near your toys.

Saturday roused myself at sometime that wasn't Stupidly Late to have breakfast with Molasses. We did some laundry and then separated before meeting up again at the do jong in Downey. I got to see him and Kenny test for their brown belts. It was neat. }:>

Though afterwards do joo nim came up and was shaking hands with the onlookers and was introduced to Jenn, Kenny's wife. I was standing beside them quietly when he suddenly turned to me and belted out, "And when you get married??!!" I think Kenny and Jenn have caught on to my view of marriage, at least as far as I'm concerned so they understood when I pointed and laughed at do joo nim. I was just stunned for what to say, but I know he was just kidding me and I'm trying to work on my cerebral "Life is a farce" outlook. So I laughed.

Later Kenny said I should have said something like "Oh I am, he's just not here." But it seemed like Molasses mightn't like that one.

We headed back to LBC and jumped onboard with helping decorate for the party. I think the boys were having the best time just prepping for the party, eventhough they did have a blast at the party itself. Have I ever mentioned that Molasses is a freak? Cause he is.

I managed to pull 'girlfriend' an hour before the party was about to start and demanded we get some food at nice sit down place. Went to the Tai Pan Bistro at Marina Pacifica. yummy.

Got a last few things for the party and felt my poor little car sputter and struggle through it all. We decided to see if the mechanic Molasses knows in LBC operates on Sunday. Otherwise I'd have to take Monday off to tend to it.

The party was seriously awesome and I managed to have a good time even though certain others were insisting that I wasn't having a good time. Early on I figured out that I didn't really want to get drunk, so I settled in with a tall glass of half vodka and half Kahlua and made it last three hours. Some good conversation here and there, but my attention span just wouldn't jive with that of other people's and I just couldn't find a good group to drop into a groove with. But it's always magical when everyone in the room gets up and moves/sings/dances to the same song. amazingly, The Funk is really good for that. The disco didn't bother me overmuch and the few songs that I know I like pretty well. Think "Brickhouse" and "I will Survive."

Also had this weird moment when this girl, Anita, came up and told me Molasses had told her she could come to the wedding. I just blinked and sputtered something like "what wedding?" She clarified that she had been chatting with the boy about him and me. She asked him if she would be invited to the wedding, should we get married. He said yes, *if* it happens.

*shakes head* She can sit next to do joo nim. tsh... people who aren't me planning my life. Because of course, I don't get enough of it at home. *grumbles*

But there was something going on inside and talking with Derek it was poked and prodded some. And that is that I've been feeling kind of absent lately. Somewhat distanced from what's going on and my own responses to it. It keeps things in perspective and helps me maintain my sense for the ironic. But it also kills my passion and interest for whatever I'm doing. This leaves me primed for a great bout of depression. And I really don't want another one.

I have to do something about that last one. It's getting to me and I don't feel anything. I'm aware of loss of somekind, but when you've lost that which inspires you and makes you excited it's hard to be intrested in the loss.

So anyway I did some other stuff at the party and tried to keep my interest up after Molasses went to bed but it was around three or four and I had to get up and run a Mage game so I decided that without something to grab my interest right away I would probably regret it in the morning if not only I got no sleep, I didn't have a good times staying up.

I probably missed some good times from other people, but it's just as well. There were folks in that group that stayed up that I didn't need to spend more time with.

You know, I harbor a special sort of dislike for people who are aware that they are assholes and are full of shit but don't ever animate themselves to try to better themselves or at least not regularly annoy everyone they are around. They have so little to offer, though granted they can still do Good Things when they want. But often the amount of bullshit I have to put up with is just too much. Well...it's not like I invited them.

Sunday morning we pulled ourselves together and a small pod of us ventured forth from the Space Station to a mystical place known as Eggs Etc.

The Agent kept us together, even if he doesn't realize it. Chris T kept up his usual diarhea of the mouth, finding descriptions for most of the people who attended, when he wasn't talking about himself. Jenn kept quiet as usual but flashed the occasional smile when thinking of the party. Molasses tossed in the oddball comment. Cam met us at the fooderie and regaled us with a few hilarious anecdotes.

Eventually we headed back and Molasses and I headed to Pasadena. We got there a little bit late, but others were more late and even so it was more difficult herding everyone this time than it has been in recent memory. It took nearly two hours to really get going. But all in all it was good. Unfortunately I haven't sent any follow up mail. I should have written notes on Monday and jumped on sending them out on Tuesday but life-stuff made me slow down and I've lost most of impetus. }:P

Wrapped the game at Conrads (so, sadly I couldn't have any wine; that would have been killer with my spaghetti), hit some nasty traffic on the way back to LBC and passed out from exhaustion.

Monday was really nice eventhough bloody expensive. We called in sick and took our cars to the mechanic for oil changes and I asked them to check the cooling system on my car. Turned out a casket was loose *and* the radiator was busted. $350 to get the thing running again.

But in the course of the day we had a good nap and a *vey* lovely walk by the beach. mmhhh it was a good day. Molasses turned a little bit red but it's begun to fade.

When my car was ready we picked it up and went driving around to feed our nasty addictions. Molasses got an MET book of some kind, I got three comic b-- ahh, I mean graphic novels, and four booster packs of Vampire cards each.

Then we settled into a dinner in with a couple of (horrible) DVDs. We watched maybe half of SuperTroopers before we decided we couldn't take it anymore. Molasses swapped it out for Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist. About five minutes later I vacated the room. Molasses finished the movie. I guess he didn't want to feel like he wasted his money renting the movies, but he did note they were pretty terrible. He also got Josie and the Pussycats. I just don't know when we'll see it.

Tuesday was fairly normal in that I came to work, was generally annoyed and prayed for death. That evening Molasses came up and we took a very long walk to a place where I was told we could give $25 for a wrist band that would get us samples at dozens of local eateries. But the place was closed. I was really pissed off because it was the right place and the right time and a *really* long walk, but despite being terribly hungry and tired and annoyed I couldn't get the energy up to really feel I was just aware of it like I'm aware that the sky is blue but just as unable to touch it. feh.

We truged most of the way back and stopped for dinner at PF Chang's at Paseo Colorado. That place has real good stuff.

So now it's Wednesday. (ignore what it says up top, this entry has taken a while to write)

Wednesday, wednesay. The day for the gallow's god. In Spanish it's miércoles, named after Mercury. The messenger to the gods and a bit of a trickster. but if you've ever played with mercury balls you know that stuff is cool to.

God, I'm going insance and I'm not even enjoying the journey.