Nobody
Something to Do Before I Die
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Long Dark Tea-Time of Christmas
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Mood:
melancholy
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Listening: several CD singles of Prodigy, Loreena McKennitt, Nine Inch Nails and Best of David Bowie (I don't know why Loreena McKennitt is included)
Mentally Replaying: Tori's "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
I'd rather be at Molasses side, even if that is in Misery
Considering: giving up the ghost and having myself a good cry
Desiring: a little internal strength and patience, or else to have my baby back with me *whimpers* Why am I such a wuss?
Aches and Complaints: fuckin tired
Enjoying: um I'll get back to you...
In case you're confused I'm still extremely exhausted from last night where Molasses and I got a two and a half hour nap before we had to get up at three in the fucking am. Dear God, that hour should be illegal. Or else we should have stayed up and gone to a club or something to keep the energy up. I'd be useless for work but driving to John Wayne was harrowing just because my body felt like at any moment it was going to tell me to fuck off and shut itself down. Seriously. My eyes were functioning weirdly - when I'm very tired my eyes don't adjust as quickly as I need them to so when I move my head or look at another spot I see momentary flashes of light. My heart was pounding most the way, not exactly from physical exertion but just from having to keep enough oxygen flowing to my brain to keep me functioning.
We got there a half hour before the ticket counter opened for business and I was worried to leave Molasses, in case something should happen and he should need an emergency drive somewhere. But he convinced me to go as I would need to try to grab some more sleep before coming in to work. Today is not a holiday according to my work so here I am eventhough to all appearances a good two thirds of the company has gotten started on its holiday (tomorrow and the next day are paid holidays). I fought the urge to cry over and over as I said good-bye to him and when I drove out I silently remanded him to the care of the Sky.
Thanks to my father's fear of heights I've always been nervous of flying and mildly paranoid at the thought of entrusting myself or those that I love to the steel birds. Driving might more dangerous, but at least there is some level of control for which I am responsible. And um, in the last year and a half I've gotten *Really* scared of... well... everything.
But anyway. He should have touched down by now. He had a short stop in Dallas and should be in Kansas City by now. I wish he'd call....
I'm mildly surprised that my family isn't doing much of anything for Christmas and that, from the tone of my mom's voice she wouldn't be surprised if we open our presents at different times and if went to mass at different times. I guess I should be surprised since that's what we did last year, but I really hated doing it that way. Getting everyone up and organized and ready is a pain in the butt and I know it's really excrutiatingly difficult to get everyone ready for mass, especially when they're distracted by shiny new toys, *expecially* now that they're grown up and don't take as well to getting ordered as they used to. But come on. It's such crap to just accept that Mario will take two hours to bathe and get dressed and he'll still manage to look like he slept in his clothes. It's not like there's much to grooming when he has no frickin hair. and then Juan just flat out wears the same damned thing everyday and his hair always looks filthy but you need a crow bar to be able to do anything with it. Ana take two hours just with her hair an make up (God knows why, she can do everything else pretty quickly) and now she has a kid to prep and an ex somewhere in the mix who my dad hates.
It's just so rediculous. My family irks me for several different reasons mostly having to do with not being able to see eye to eye with my parents and despising the complete lack of discipline my brother's have and the general disrespect they show. And the one day that I don't mind spending with them, and in fact would feel super weird at spending with anyone else, they are the most annoying on.
Going to Mass has always felt prefunctory on Christmas day so we (the kids) were always eager to go to mass on Christmas Eve, preferably Midnight Mass. The vigil is nice and all - counts as Christmas Mass without having to interrupt the gift opening - but not as supercool as mass at midnight. Which is usually bilingual (read: twice as long as a monolingual mass), *lots* more songs and occasionally some extraneous pagentry. It's really saying something when the kids who are mostly looking forward to opening toys are clamouring for the longer service at the most awkward time, short of Mass at Dawn (630ish am - though it's not so popular for Christmas, it's usually for Easter). But my parents (for obvious reasons) have never been terribly fond of midnight mass. And this year they are vollunteers at the 930am mass.
So I figure I'll get up really early on Wednesday and take some kind of Pillsbury dough (not sure if it should be cookies or sweet bread of some kind, cookies require cookie cutters and icing and sprinkles...) and maybe a CD of Christmas music (assuming I find any I like at Tower) and head home. With any luck I'll get there before anyone gets up and start baking and singing carols.
In case you missed it - If I headed down on Christmas Eve I would have to sleep on the couch as I did last year because my bed no longer exists, and there's no room anyway, what with the baby. couch = achy back during mass
It surprises me a lot that there are no festivities planned before Christmas. Most Mexican traditional celebrations occur beforehand starting with the nine nights of Las Posadas wherein church groups organize nights - counting back nine from Christmas Eve - and families elect to host one of the nights of Las Posadas. Basically every night except for Christmas Eve the people congregate at the chosen family's house and divide into two parties. One party is outside representing the traveling Joseph and Mary and the other is inside playing at being innkeepers with no more space. Then the two parties sing at each other about their dilemmas, ending with the innkeepers sending the "couple" on their way.
Then the outside party comes inside and everyone gathers 'round to pray the Rosary. After that the group dissolves into general partying: usually a piņata or two is strung up for the kids to beat the shit out of (outside!!) while the adults drink warmed horchata (rice milk), atole (chocolate), or champurrado (chocolate with blended corn), and eat sweet bread and gossip.
In Mexico Christmas Eve is known as La Noche Buena and it's a night for a ton of celebrating. We eat like crazy, kids go nuts for all the excitment, some of the presents are opened pretty much everyone gets at least a little tipsy and head to bed when they can take anymore. There is singing, the guys bust out their guitars or any other musical instruments, there is a series of piņatas with goodies ranging from candy to mini firecrackers. Sometimes the family might do to a celebration in the city which will be attached to one or more churches (in big cities like Guadalajara there is easily more than one church per block). There is good food, carnival rides and fireworks displays.
The gathering is usually at La Doņa's house (or the matriarch) and everyone crashes wherever there is room. Usually the older ladies stay up *way* late (assuming they ever go to bed, which it is possible they don't) preparing the posole, menudo and tamales for the next day.
Christmas celebrations go on to some extent or other depending on regional favorites. In the city of Morelia where some of my mom's cousins live they have a practise of letting the kids leave one (1) shoe by the fireplace for Los Reyes Magos and inside of it is a list of the top three toys the owner of the shoe wants as a gift like the three kings left the Baby Jesus. This is done on the feast of the Epiphany, which is on Jan 6th.
So there is an extent where the form is dead and gone and the function of Christmas, as far as my family is concerned, is left in some dreary gray area. It makes me really sad.
So anyway.
I had started this entry to try and focus on the stuff I've been blowing next month's budget on. I love giving people stuff. I really do. Maybe because of the reciprocal feeling of joy I feel when someone gets something they know they'll enjoy, maybe because it really is better to give than to receive. The saying sounds trite, but I've gotten so much utter crap over the years that I pretty much have given up on getting shit as being a source of joy.
So without further here is a list of stuff I'm giving for Christmas. Names will be edited out because they haven't all been given. If you haven't gotten anything from me, either you're not going to get anything from me or we just haven't hooked up yet. Anyway you might not want to read any further.
I mean it.
You might be disappointed.
ho-key:
^!@@@*%(( - Daily mediations to share with $$^^@@@*%((, Card with info about Tahoe, a book about something, but I can't recall what. I'll edit this once I get home and remind myself.
$$^^@@@*%(( - gift card for Macy's, a tiara, a book of bible verses
&&%&&% - Black Hawk Down DVD, Enemy at the Gates on VHS, a book on WWII consipiracies that hopefully won't get made much of.
!%%! - perfume and lotion in a purse from Victoria's Secret (guess who this is!!)
$$!(((^^ - multi-game set that includes, checkers, chess, mancala, backgammon, Chinese checkers and solitari, as well as that one 'Guillotine' game from Cheap-Ass-Games. Better frickin like it.
!!###!%% - Civilizations the Board Game. Hope this doesn't suck.
!##%^^^! - baby jumper and bib from USC and a nice high chair from Sears (This is not for who you think it is!! ok it is....)
@@@($$ - picturebook of wolves and a National Geographic book of 'The Greatest Adventures of all Time'
!!!@@@!#&&& - 2 Cirque du Soleil DVDs - Dralion and something else
((^^@ - cookbook of Chinese food
((!($$% - puffy picture book with a little rabbit
((^^@&&& - CD of Songs for a Darkened Theatre from His Eminence Danny Elfman and some science fiction, the particulars of which currently escape me.
*###$$%##$!!! - a couple of boxes of See's Candy
!$!$$ - a book on the edible plants of the area
$%%%%%(!!! - $50 in gift certificates to a fancy restaurant on the West Side
@@&&&##% - a new printer/scanner/copier, a nice Swiss Army knife, a calendar from National Geographic with monkeys on it and the Waking Life DVD. WHAT?!?!
I hope to God I haven't forgotten anyone. I wish I had more money to carry on shopping, I can think of a handful of other people I'd like to give stuff to. But they'll have to live with an email.
Mentally Replaying: Tori's "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
I'd rather be at Molasses side, even if that is in Misery
Considering: giving up the ghost and having myself a good cry
Desiring: a little internal strength and patience, or else to have my baby back with me *whimpers* Why am I such a wuss?
Aches and Complaints: fuckin tired
Enjoying: um I'll get back to you...
In case you're confused I'm still extremely exhausted from last night where Molasses and I got a two and a half hour nap before we had to get up at three in the fucking am. Dear God, that hour should be illegal. Or else we should have stayed up and gone to a club or something to keep the energy up. I'd be useless for work but driving to John Wayne was harrowing just because my body felt like at any moment it was going to tell me to fuck off and shut itself down. Seriously. My eyes were functioning weirdly - when I'm very tired my eyes don't adjust as quickly as I need them to so when I move my head or look at another spot I see momentary flashes of light. My heart was pounding most the way, not exactly from physical exertion but just from having to keep enough oxygen flowing to my brain to keep me functioning.
We got there a half hour before the ticket counter opened for business and I was worried to leave Molasses, in case something should happen and he should need an emergency drive somewhere. But he convinced me to go as I would need to try to grab some more sleep before coming in to work. Today is not a holiday according to my work so here I am eventhough to all appearances a good two thirds of the company has gotten started on its holiday (tomorrow and the next day are paid holidays). I fought the urge to cry over and over as I said good-bye to him and when I drove out I silently remanded him to the care of the Sky.
Thanks to my father's fear of heights I've always been nervous of flying and mildly paranoid at the thought of entrusting myself or those that I love to the steel birds. Driving might more dangerous, but at least there is some level of control for which I am responsible. And um, in the last year and a half I've gotten *Really* scared of... well... everything.
But anyway. He should have touched down by now. He had a short stop in Dallas and should be in Kansas City by now. I wish he'd call....
I'm mildly surprised that my family isn't doing much of anything for Christmas and that, from the tone of my mom's voice she wouldn't be surprised if we open our presents at different times and if went to mass at different times. I guess I should be surprised since that's what we did last year, but I really hated doing it that way. Getting everyone up and organized and ready is a pain in the butt and I know it's really excrutiatingly difficult to get everyone ready for mass, especially when they're distracted by shiny new toys, *expecially* now that they're grown up and don't take as well to getting ordered as they used to. But come on. It's such crap to just accept that Mario will take two hours to bathe and get dressed and he'll still manage to look like he slept in his clothes. It's not like there's much to grooming when he has no frickin hair. and then Juan just flat out wears the same damned thing everyday and his hair always looks filthy but you need a crow bar to be able to do anything with it. Ana take two hours just with her hair an make up (God knows why, she can do everything else pretty quickly) and now she has a kid to prep and an ex somewhere in the mix who my dad hates.
It's just so rediculous. My family irks me for several different reasons mostly having to do with not being able to see eye to eye with my parents and despising the complete lack of discipline my brother's have and the general disrespect they show. And the one day that I don't mind spending with them, and in fact would feel super weird at spending with anyone else, they are the most annoying on.
Going to Mass has always felt prefunctory on Christmas day so we (the kids) were always eager to go to mass on Christmas Eve, preferably Midnight Mass. The vigil is nice and all - counts as Christmas Mass without having to interrupt the gift opening - but not as supercool as mass at midnight. Which is usually bilingual (read: twice as long as a monolingual mass), *lots* more songs and occasionally some extraneous pagentry. It's really saying something when the kids who are mostly looking forward to opening toys are clamouring for the longer service at the most awkward time, short of Mass at Dawn (630ish am - though it's not so popular for Christmas, it's usually for Easter). But my parents (for obvious reasons) have never been terribly fond of midnight mass. And this year they are vollunteers at the 930am mass.
So I figure I'll get up really early on Wednesday and take some kind of Pillsbury dough (not sure if it should be cookies or sweet bread of some kind, cookies require cookie cutters and icing and sprinkles...) and maybe a CD of Christmas music (assuming I find any I like at Tower) and head home. With any luck I'll get there before anyone gets up and start baking and singing carols.
In case you missed it - If I headed down on Christmas Eve I would have to sleep on the couch as I did last year because my bed no longer exists, and there's no room anyway, what with the baby. couch = achy back during mass
It surprises me a lot that there are no festivities planned before Christmas. Most Mexican traditional celebrations occur beforehand starting with the nine nights of Las Posadas wherein church groups organize nights - counting back nine from Christmas Eve - and families elect to host one of the nights of Las Posadas. Basically every night except for Christmas Eve the people congregate at the chosen family's house and divide into two parties. One party is outside representing the traveling Joseph and Mary and the other is inside playing at being innkeepers with no more space. Then the two parties sing at each other about their dilemmas, ending with the innkeepers sending the "couple" on their way.
Then the outside party comes inside and everyone gathers 'round to pray the Rosary. After that the group dissolves into general partying: usually a piņata or two is strung up for the kids to beat the shit out of (outside!!) while the adults drink warmed horchata (rice milk), atole (chocolate), or champurrado (chocolate with blended corn), and eat sweet bread and gossip.
In Mexico Christmas Eve is known as La Noche Buena and it's a night for a ton of celebrating. We eat like crazy, kids go nuts for all the excitment, some of the presents are opened pretty much everyone gets at least a little tipsy and head to bed when they can take anymore. There is singing, the guys bust out their guitars or any other musical instruments, there is a series of piņatas with goodies ranging from candy to mini firecrackers. Sometimes the family might do to a celebration in the city which will be attached to one or more churches (in big cities like Guadalajara there is easily more than one church per block). There is good food, carnival rides and fireworks displays.
The gathering is usually at La Doņa's house (or the matriarch) and everyone crashes wherever there is room. Usually the older ladies stay up *way* late (assuming they ever go to bed, which it is possible they don't) preparing the posole, menudo and tamales for the next day.
Christmas celebrations go on to some extent or other depending on regional favorites. In the city of Morelia where some of my mom's cousins live they have a practise of letting the kids leave one (1) shoe by the fireplace for Los Reyes Magos and inside of it is a list of the top three toys the owner of the shoe wants as a gift like the three kings left the Baby Jesus. This is done on the feast of the Epiphany, which is on Jan 6th.
So there is an extent where the form is dead and gone and the function of Christmas, as far as my family is concerned, is left in some dreary gray area. It makes me really sad.
So anyway.
I had started this entry to try and focus on the stuff I've been blowing next month's budget on. I love giving people stuff. I really do. Maybe because of the reciprocal feeling of joy I feel when someone gets something they know they'll enjoy, maybe because it really is better to give than to receive. The saying sounds trite, but I've gotten so much utter crap over the years that I pretty much have given up on getting shit as being a source of joy.
So without further here is a list of stuff I'm giving for Christmas. Names will be edited out because they haven't all been given. If you haven't gotten anything from me, either you're not going to get anything from me or we just haven't hooked up yet. Anyway you might not want to read any further.
I mean it.
You might be disappointed.
ho-key:
^!@@@*%(( - Daily mediations to share with $$^^@@@*%((, Card with info about Tahoe, a book about something, but I can't recall what. I'll edit this once I get home and remind myself.
$$^^@@@*%(( - gift card for Macy's, a tiara, a book of bible verses
&&%&&% - Black Hawk Down DVD, Enemy at the Gates on VHS, a book on WWII consipiracies that hopefully won't get made much of.
!%%! - perfume and lotion in a purse from Victoria's Secret (guess who this is!!)
$$!(((^^ - multi-game set that includes, checkers, chess, mancala, backgammon, Chinese checkers and solitari, as well as that one 'Guillotine' game from Cheap-Ass-Games. Better frickin like it.
!!###!%% - Civilizations the Board Game. Hope this doesn't suck.
!##%^^^! - baby jumper and bib from USC and a nice high chair from Sears (This is not for who you think it is!! ok it is....)
@@@($$ - picturebook of wolves and a National Geographic book of 'The Greatest Adventures of all Time'
!!!@@@!#&&& - 2 Cirque du Soleil DVDs - Dralion and something else
((^^@ - cookbook of Chinese food
((!($$% - puffy picture book with a little rabbit
((^^@&&& - CD of Songs for a Darkened Theatre from His Eminence Danny Elfman and some science fiction, the particulars of which currently escape me.
*###$$%##$!!! - a couple of boxes of See's Candy
!$!$$ - a book on the edible plants of the area
$%%%%%(!!! - $50 in gift certificates to a fancy restaurant on the West Side
@@&&&##% - a new printer/scanner/copier, a nice Swiss Army knife, a calendar from National Geographic with monkeys on it and the Waking Life DVD. WHAT?!?!
I hope to God I haven't forgotten anyone. I wish I had more money to carry on shopping, I can think of a handful of other people I'd like to give stuff to. But they'll have to live with an email.
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