Listening: nothing *curses darkly*
Mentally Replaying: "Hey Jupiter" (Dakota vesion), Tori Amos
I'd rather be: sitting in the sunlight
Desiring: working realjukebox
Aches and Complaints: cold/nervous/sleep deprived

i go from day to day
i know where the cupboards are
i know where the car is parked
i know he isn't you

Music is a huge part of me. When I can't quite describe what I'm thinking or feeling I put on music. Ever since the communication revolution that brought radios and cheap music media into our homes we (Americans) have been defining ourselves by the music we listen to.

We make cliques based on the stuff we like, we avoid people who like stuff we don't like, we ostracize people who don't like the stuff we like and we are in turn ostracized for liking music that's a little out there.

I guess the label for my music is "slightly alternative." You won't find it playing on Top 40, and most of the time you won't hear it on a major radio station. But it's not exactly underground. It can get pretentious, but so long as it stays true to the point I don't really mind.

I guess the biggest music rebel I listen to is Ani di Franco, but she's so hugely popular that "rebel" isn't exactly appropriate. Though "unorthodox" might be.

Music holds my soul and sanity together when I've got other things to think about. It also gives me headspace to think about things with my eyes closed and visit places that can't be described with mere words.

I miss the days when KROQ was "alternative." But their was actually music that it was alternativ to. But then KLOS went all to hell and other stations dropped the "rock" from "adult contemporary rock" and so MegaCorp, I mean, Clear Channel, I mean, uh, KROQ picked up the slack by introducing new acts who's rock credentials are anywhere from iffy to outright rejected. (Eminem might rock, but he doesn't *make* rock.)

The thing is by playing new music they dropped a lot of really good music along the way. My tastes were thoroughly formed by KROQ back in high school, and I know that most of the people I came to love still make music. So what the hell? why aren't they playing them? One could say that a lot of artists don't rock like they used to, and maybe it's accurate - REM and Pearl Jam seemed to go into a real slow death-by-ballad. But they still play U2?! I'm sorry but U2's last album does NOT rock. It's rather trite and annoyingly slow when I know the lads from Ireland pretty much defined arena rock and the sounds of the wide open outdoors. So why are they writing these snooze bombs?? And moreover why is the industry promoting them over people who DO rock?

I stopped listening to KROQ a few years ago in favor of KCRW, eventhough I normally don't listen to more than ten minutes of any of KCRW's music programs. They just bore the piss out of me. But at least they never call it rock.

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So i want to write about something worthwhile, but I can't really come up with anything great. It tends to descend into whining and at this point I don't want to leave a record of whining in my wake.

I've been a bit down. I don't really know why, though I'm tempted to think it has to do with not knowing what I want from my life anymore.

I went back and read entries from a year ago and found that Richard had mentioned the black box as a potential for a play over a year ago. A YEAR of thinking about putting on a play and NO ACTION.

good god what's wrong with me?
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I'm going to take down my "email me" link. I think spiders have found this journal and are selling the address left and right. Normally I don't care too much about spam since I generally always read my mail with a finger on the delete button, but it's getting sent to my work account. I'd like to keep that free from spam and potential outside badness.

If you wish to email me you'll have to request an email from me in the comment section.

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The weekend was ok. There were fun bits and annoying bits and slightly sad bits.

Gaming was cool, and plots are always fun.

Got in a very excellent conversation with Faith which I wished I didn't have to end as early as I did.

Hung out a little with my Molasses and Space Dog and the Icecream Assassin. Yummy food, cute mason jars and just about the sweetest waitress/restaurant manager God ever put on this green Earth. The only bad part was the peanuts. I don't like 'em. The smell of them turns my stomach. This restaurant was perfect except for the peanuts. And there were a lot of peanuts. They got dumped on the table periodically from out of an aluminum pail. I guess it was supposed to be "homey." The guys gobbled them up and tossed the shells on the floor. The place was littered with peanut shells that one couldn't help but step on.

Space Dog was too tired for clubbing, and we lost the Assassin somewhere along the way. So we ended up at Dungeon with Mme Black, her hubby, some friends of theirs, Coyote and a lady I'll call I I E E E. the club was off this time and it was too bad. It was mostly on account of personal experiences (though I got to dance to "Cruel" and "Sour Times" which always rules). Somebody was really mean to I I E E E and said some things that were out of line. According to all reports her reaction was extreme but it was at least somewhat understandable. Supposedly her husband had cheated on her and the woman he had cheated with was at the club. This I I E E E believed, though her friends were all rather skeptical. I tried to encourage her to talk to her husband but she was way too upset.

Mme Black was rediculously drunk by the time we arrived and as such hit twice in the course of the night with her flailing. When I arrived she dragged me off to the dance floor with another female friend of hers to dance. Later on she said law school had warped her since now she was dancing with women. ooh. how decadant. I didn't quite catch the time but sometimes after midnight she lost control and tossed her cookies. I had gone to get a drink and when I looked back the entire party had disappeared.

I spent a little time admiring doms ply their trade. They were fairly impressive, though I miss the transvestite (he/she could make it look like friggin art). Unfortunately not everyone there knew how to appreciate the scene. There were at least three young men who were already quite drunk and thoroughly ill suited to Dungeon. They were dressed nicely enough for a nightclub, though a little to "prep" for Dungeon. And they weren't just chortling or voicing their disgust they were screaming. Apparently they couldn't handle the fact that women would freely strip down to a thong and electrical tape, get tied to an iron crosspiece or a wooden horse and willingly get beaten. I couldn't really figure out what they were saying, but I guess they were surprised.

The name of the club was Dungeon, what did they expect?

There were other men who could barely contain themselves and more than once I felt myself change from "hang out" stance to "protective and alert" stance. A couple of times I found myself wishing for one of them to grab me so I'd have an excuse to break an arm. did I mention I'm a pacifist? *sigh*

Sunday was ok. Nothing spectacular. And again I slept too long in the afternoon. I had thought I'd like to get out and take pictures of wild flowers but i didn't get my butt in gear.... Molasses was coding with the assassin and no one was available to keep me entertained.

onward and upward, I guess
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1. Name one song you hate to admit you like.

"My Name is" Eminem

it's eminem... come on.

2. Name two songs that always make you cry.

this depends on a few things, but most reliably:
"Pride (In the name of Love)" U2
"Adam and Eve" Ani di Franco

(May also get misty-eyed on Tori's "Famous Blue Raincoat" and Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" but that's Leonard Cohen's magic at work there.)

3. Name three songs that turn you on.

"Sanctified," NIN
"Heidi," Ruby
"Only You," Portisehead

(Also: "Riders on the Storm," The Doors, "Rite of Shiva," Machines of Loving Grace, "Kingdom's Coming," Bauhaus and "Thinking of You," A Perfect Circle.)

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good.

gosh anything by Tori....(or They Might be Giants)
"Parabol/Parabola," Tool
"Army of Me," Bjork
"Ode to Joy," Beethoven (from Immortal Beloved
"Yuri G," PJ Harvey

(Also: "Shame of Life," Butthole Surfers, "Lady Marmalade," from Moulin Rouge (yes, yes originally Patti and LaBelle) "Testify," Rage Against the Machine and "Yulunga," Dead Can Dance)

5. Name five songs you couldn't ever do without.

arg...
I was trying not to repeat, but these are my favorites for a reason.
"Precious Things," Tori Amos
"Human Behavior," Bjork
"Joyful Girl," Ani di Franco
"Easy," PJ Harvey
Requiem, Mozart (yes, the whole friggin thing)

(Also: "Stinkfist," Tool, "You are the Governement," Bad Religion, "Nice Work if You can Get It," Ella Fitzgerald, "Heart-Shaped Box," Nirvana, "Hootchi Coochie Man," Muddy Waters, "Siip Siie," Ekova, "Ubiquitous Mr Love Grove," DCD, "The Perfect Drug," NIN, "Paraffin," Ruby, "Another First Kiss," TMBG and of course, "Screenwriter's Blues," Soul Coughing.)

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Ok so this lemming is tough because I have to pick just one artist. I gave up trying to be clever and just went with Tori. Tried and true.

Are you male or female? Girl
She's been everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own
Describe yourself: Yes, Anastasia
thought she deserved no less than she'd give
well happy birthday
her blood's on my hands
it's kind of a shame cause I did like that dress
How do some people feel about you? Cruel
dance with the sufis
celebrate your top ten in the charts of pain
How do you feel about yourself? Silent All These Years
my scream got lost in a paper cup
do you think there's a heaven where some screams have gone?
Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend: Never Seen Blue
some boy you are are
to wear my color red
to wear it very proudly
and wear it like a lady
Describe what you want to be: Twinkle
and last time I knew
she worked at an abbey in Iona
she said, "I killed a man, T
I've gotta stay hidden in this abbey"
Where would you rather be? Juarez
there's a time to keep it up
a time to keep it in
the indian is told
the cowboy is his friend
Describe how you live: A Sorta Fairytale
Way up North I took my day
all in all was a pretty nice day
and I put the Hood right back where
You could taste heaven perfectly
Describe how you love: Suede
i'm sure that you've been briefed
my absorbtion lines, they are frayed
and i fear my fear is greater than my faith
but i walk the missionary way
Share a few words of wisdom: Gold Dust
we make it up as we go along

Yep. I'm deep. Now if only I could listen to this stuff without fighting with the computer - a fight that continually makes me want to slit my wrists.

*sigh*
tonight, I'll to my very best to uninstall RJB and get WinAmp.

"Give me life
give me pain
give me myself again."
--Little Earthquakes
--Tori Amos