Sometimes I write or talk about how I'm feeling and I'm very circumspect. I just can't bring myself to say the specific thoughts popping up in my head. I know it'll freak people out so why do it. I know what I mean.

but people still freak out because I'm clearly unhappy and no matter how many opportunities I try to take to say, look when I get emotional my statements get more extreme and my attitude starts to get hyperbolic, people still jump ahead to where my words are serious threats of action. Take the feeling seriously, but please not the words. I know how to sit on my hands.

Besides, I don't own a gun and avoid the damned things anyway.


Now, take your pulse. Are you freaking out? I'm perturbed but not freaking out. know why? CAUSE NOTHING'S GOING TO HAPPEN! I'm just going to feel like crap and sleep for maybe a couple of hours tonight and try again tomorrow. If you want to help, call *me* (not someone else) and talk with me about how it'll get better.


And now, a survey to help everyone unwind.

Gen X Survey

Here are some questions for the people who are a little more mature...

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Any that catches me by surprise and thus I don't have a budget for. Typically taxes or car repairs.


2. Where's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
Often I enjoy eating in as a romantic gesture.

3. Last time you puked?
I don't recall. I think it may have been more than three years ago, the last time I drank enough to make myself sick.

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on bar?
Never.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
I don't recall. Though she did get married toward the end of the year and changed her name.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Not sure, really. This isn't too bad, being on vacation, I just wish my real life were less troublesome.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
hm. A teacher, an astronaut, a firefighter and a storyteller.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
Just USC with some assists from FCC and SMC. would like to get to grad school eventually. A doctorate is not out of the question.

9. Why are you wearing the shirt you have on now?
I like it, it's a very nice red, blousy. It frames me nicely, I think. I pulled it down because I wanted something nicer to wear than a t-shirt for going off to see Meg up in tony Malibu.

10. GAS PRICES! First thought?
*sad sigh* I don't know which thoughts really come first - economic, political, social, convenience or security.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you...
the question would be...? I love Southern California and would hate to leave LA. Though I may like to try living somewhere else if for no better reason to enjoy coming home. Of the places I've visited that I could see myself living in, I've really like NYC and London. Who would I take? *shrug* someone who could tolerate me being the only person they knew in a city of millions.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I was slightly awake already but it brought me more present to the plans for the day.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I have no idea. Likely a jumble of considerations for things going on in my life, especially the more personal bits.

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
Not sure I care, really. Whatever is comfortable.

16. What errand/chore do you DISLIKE?
Either doing the laundry or scrubbing. And I think I hate doing the laundry more because it comes up so regularly.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?
No. I'd rather volunteer at a soup kitchen or a shelter. I guess I technically volunteer at WriteAct, but since I have the priveledge of paying membership dues I don't feel that really applies.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Depends on whether I feel like getting to something or still feel tired. Sometimes I can doze, often I just lay still and listen to my body and the world outside.

19. Who is your favorite cartoon character?
Carmen Sandiego. What?

20. Favorite NON-sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Stay up late chatting and joking.

21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing?
Not sure how it can be a secret if I tell.... Well I can think of a couple things I just don't want to post in public but don't mind most people knowing. Really comes down to keeping my parents out of the loop };>

22. How many joints pop when you get out of bed in the morning?
None. A few since then, mainly in my spine. Woo scoliosis & hyperextended ligaments.

23. What is the biggest amount of $$ you have made from a yard sale?
I've never had one. i'm a terrible packrat. One idea behind cleaning is finding crap I want to get rid of and trying to use eBay to my advantage instead as another needless drain on my pocketbook.

24. Your favorite lunchmeat?
tuna. oh I had a kick ass melt at lunch today. yum!

25. What do you get every time you go into a 7-11?
I rarely go into 7-11 unless I'm out & about and realize I'm thirsty. then I usually get water.

26. Beach or lake?
Beach. In Southern California we have ocean and we have puddles. Little in-between.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
not really. It's just not a completely necessary ritual and I resent it's legal necessity.

28. Who do you stalk on MySpace?
friends, I suppose.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
hm. besides goofing off filling in quizes like this? probably going out of my way to spend money I shouldn't on highly caloric caffienated drinks that can only derail my diet.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out you have?
again, what's with conundrums like this? If I say then people will know...so then it can't be a movie I don't want people to know I have...! Anyhow I don't think I'm so much ashamed of the movies I do have as those that I don't...

31. What's your drink?
Water most often. At a bar it can depend on my mood and what's available (and what the bartender can make well). Often I'll try for an Irish coffee or a straight whiskey if I can recognize something I like and am feeling serious about me drink. If I'm feeling silly and just want something well-ish then it's an apple martini or an ameretto sour or something.

32. Cowboys or Indians?
*shrug* I grew up on John Wayne movies. "I will fight no more forever." Chief Joseph

33. Cops or Robbers?
erm. exactly what are we playing at here?

34. Do you cheer for the bad guy?
often, unless he's made to look like a buffoon.

35. What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best?
I would love to resemble Kate Hepburn in some way, but that's not the question. I don't really know. Maybe Selma Hayek?

36. If you had to pick one, which cast member of "Lost" would you be?
I've never watched the show.

37. What do you want when you are sick?
usually peace and quiet. Matzoh ball soup, commiseration and someone to read stories until I fall asleep are really nice.

38. Who from high school would you like to run into?
with my car? hehe the list is long. Though I've made myself forget most of their names. I didn't like high school and don't care to be reminded of it.

40. What do you like to do on your days off?
turns out I like wasting time, visiting friends, reading and writing and filling out quizes for my blog. }:> though I end up feeling bad for the things I should have done even if they would make it less of a day off.

41.Who's your favorite Grey's Anatomy character?
Never seen it.

42. Norm or Cliff?
Neither. Though a few weeks ago I saw "Norm" on stage at the Ahmanson in 12 Angry Men. Great show.

43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
The Simpsons

44. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
[censored] It's edging me toward regret, and I hate that.

45. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
directly behind are a couple of nice ladies, diagonally in front-ish is my manager, who I don't like very much.

46. If you could get away with it, whom would you kill?
My friend's attacker. though if my friend's baby daddy were ever foolish enough to take out a life insurance policy on himself...it would certainly be the most worth the child ever got from him. gah. shut up brain.

47. What famous person would you like to have dinner with, alive or dead?
I don't know. Amida Buddha?

49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
nope

50. Last book you read for real?
for real? If you mean completed, sadly the book I read all the way through last was Kushiel's Dart - sad only because it's pulpy when I've been reading heftier stuff along the way.

51. Do you have a teddy bear?
No, I have a moose named Chocolat, a cheshire cat and a beat up duckie.

52. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
I'm not sure...? someone's kitchen? I mean I've brushed my teeth in foreign countries but that didn't really strike me as a strange place to brush my teeth. maybe Joshua Tree?

53. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Both Death Valley and the Cascades. I've driven through the Cascades but I would love to stay and camp there for a few days.

54. Number of texts in a day?
Depends. never more than a dozen, give or take.

55. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
sticky question. I'd rather a new career, though I really would like to change my relationship situation. the career thing might be less complicated as I am job hunting and really can't yet countenance dating when I want to resolve things from my last relationship.

56. Do you go to church?
Sometimes. I try to go regularly but I talk myself out of it easily. }:/

57. Pencil or pen?
whatever is available, which is usually a pen.

58. Bueller??? Bueller??? Bueller???


59. How many jobs have you had?
besides the current job of the last 6.5+ years I've mainly had retail gigs and various clerical busywork temp jobs. Past time to try something else.