Listening: Three Calamaties, Switchblade Symphony
Aches and Complaints: stupid cough
Enjoying: the space heater

So it's March and I still don't have a job. That, I think, is the primary reason I can't seem to get through a full night of sleep and wake up most mornings with my jaw aching from gritting my teeth.

Oddly, if my bank would just step on it with handing over the guarantee of title to the insurance company I would come into a bit of money that I wasn't anticipating. In the short term that would be very handy - it would pay off the loan on the old car and help me out with paying off my taxes. In the long term I still have a new car loan that I didn't really want. I would rather be in the hole with Uncle Sam but still looking at paying off my car in May. *sigh* (There must be a good reason for the hold up. My bank is usually right on top of things. When I wrap this up I'll give them a call.)

Got signed up with a recruiter who understands what I do and could help me find a job. That's not really the same thing as finding a job so I've gotta keep looking. I'm really kind of tired of it. I understand why people drop off the unemployment rolls since Unemployment means jobless and looking. Giving up means that's one less unemployed person, for the purposes of the gub'mint figuring the unemployment rate. But my savings are running low so I can't handle this without help for much longer. I dunno... am I supposed to be proud that I've made it for eight months without a penny from unemployment/welfare? That isn't going to last...if I don't find something soon I'll have to move in with my parents and/or go on the dole.

Also running out of projects to tell interviewers what I've been up to while sans job. I worked closely on three plays and wrote a chunk of a novel. They don't need to know that these are projects I would hope I could do while employed. My theatre resume has gotten pretty well beefed up and I've gotten a ton of experience that easily matches all that I learned in pursuit of my degree. Naturally if I could earn a living in theatre, however meager, I would do that in a heartbeat. But unless you're working in one of the really large houses, producing someone else's project such as a Broadway touring show, there just isn't any money in it. In my last gig as a stage manager for an avant garde company (it was really cool and I'm strongly considering joining) I made more money than anyone else involved - that's a supply/demand issue, they're desperate for stage managers. However that money I made barely paid a couple of bills. Just in time for the first paycheck I got a bout of iritis. And opthalmologist appointments and the necessary medicine ain't cheap. Just in time for the second paycheck I crashed my car. *Sigh*

Ah well, I've enjoyed the work immensely. I could go on and on for days on what I've learned. The natural logistics of juggling the needs of artists and pulling together all the needs of a play alone can be daunting. Then getting the needed artistic themes on the same page requires quite a different muscle from the one that makes sure shit gets done.... Stage managing is still easier than directing. You don't have to make any real decisions about the play, you just have to make sure what the director decided gets expressed. Be on time, make sure things go in the order they're supposed to go, improvise if necessary but just make sure the show goes according to plan. Directing, in part, requires having in mind the fully finished product and working all the elements of design and artistry to that end. It's trimming fat, sculpting raw talent, and demanding commitment to a given decision. I find it both easy and difficult. I can be naturally pretty bossy and when you walk into a room wearing the "boss" hat most folks look to you for some bossing around. But then a boss has to be very careful to nurture the talent of those responsible for the end product. In theatre that means not squashing an artist's instinct. It requires a great deal of creative and mental flexibility.

The play I just directed only has two actors. I kept the lighting and sound as simple as possible and the designers didn't really come in with a theme, so much as I told them what I wanted, they showed me what they could do and I modified it as necessary. I basically designed the set, though other folks very helpfully helped build stuff that we didn't already have on hand. I handled all the props and the actors' costumes are items out of their own closets. It's a one-act, about 20 minutes. So not the biggest challenge in the world. But still a lot of fun and it kept me on my toes. It's what comes of having no budget. The bulk of my work has been with the actors and that was eye opening. I'm glad I only had to work with two. More would have had my head spinning.

So anyway, the play opened last night. It only runs for this weekend. But so far people have been very complimentary. I think most important to me, the playwrite likes what I did with it.

It's been Lent and for the last several month I've been trying to improve a lot of my physical aspects. But I've really fallen down on the deal in the last couple of months. I've failed to exercise more than any point in the last five or six years. My diet has gone to shit as maybe half of what I eat now is fast food. I don't know what happened... I just gave up trying, preferring to just feel bad about myself after downing another burger and staying in all day. Every day I want to fix this and I'm resolute until enough time passes and I need to get to my plans for the day that don't leave any room for getting exercise or eating healthy. I just need to do it. Since last summer I've gained 15 hard-lost pounds. It's just all bad habits and self-pity and at a really disgusting time of the year for me. I don't need advice on how to approach this, I just need the discipline I had been employing for the last several years. So I'm trying again today.

Arg... and I've had a cold for all this week. It's been a particularly painful one with swollen glands and bad headaches. It's finally cleared up some today but I still have an irritating cough that won't go away.

I dunno if there's anything else to update on.... There's a guy I'm trying desperately to flirt around, except I suck at it and I'm told that if I don't do something along the lines of sticking my tongue down his throat he's going to keep thinking I'm just being friendly. But I already feel like a fool sticking by his side when I see him and grinning like an idiot. I'm not sure what is a safe, moderate ground between conversing and shoving his face in my chest. Something that says "Hi, I like you and I don't get to see you enough" without implying that I'm psychotic. And you know, something that encourages some statement on his part as to whether or not he might be amenable to the aforementioned tongue down the throat...that would be nice.

ok, now I'm really done. No more theatre lined up after this play (I'll work on changing that after a breather - I haven't had a weekend for fun since December); I need to get my ass a job; next weekend there's a rum tasting and another Firefly game; the weekend after that I'm going to an ani di franco show - that should fucking kick ass. }:>

Hope you are doing well.