There's a lot of hoopla about my most famous and wealthy Chicago neighbor running for the White House in 2008. Here's some of the main reasons why I think it's a bad idea:

10. They would close down Lake Shore Drive and Michigan Avenue everytime she wanted to go to Wishbone and I'd never be able to get in there again for their killer corn muffins.

9. One dip in the ratings--ooops--polls, and the deficit would increase by $22 Trillion (the cost of 100 million Pontiacs being given away).

8. Because she would choose Dr. Phil as her running mate...and that's one fella I don't wanna be one heartbeat away from the red phone.

7. Texas cattle farmers would move for my home state to secede and I don't want to have to get a visa from that pr*ck Rick Perry in order to visit my family...besides, he'd probably make it illegal for sodomites and liberals to visit (except for Austin of course).

6. The suave stud Stedman dancing with Lyudmilla Putin at a state dinner is an invitation to tabloid disaster (and a new cold war).

5. Martha Stewart's house arrest would mysteriously be extended to 2045.

4. Do we really want signed legislation being sold on EBay by members of Congress?

3. If Mississippi's first President was a new agey liberal African-American woman who shacks up with her oft (falsely) gay-rumored boyfriend, there would be mass suicides from Biloxi to Tupelo.

2. The yellow leather couch won't fit on the podium in the House for joint sessions (also it clashes with blue and gold carpet on the House floor), and I fear Tom DeLay would murder Barack Obama just to get an extra set of the President's Favorite Things.

1. The Supreme Court makeover program would be an embarassment, as Justice Scalia would look silly with highlights and a spray-on-tan...though the seersucker and linen would be STYLIN!