Not to be the curmudgeon...or what the heck, maybe being a curmudgeon, I have sampled certain new things that are being touted as the next big thing...but that, like New Coke, in this reporter's opinion miss the mark, or are just a waste of time, money, and/or our collective energies.

1. The Vivanno from Starbucks. Kudos to the faltering birthplace of the barista for keeping calorie counts below 300, but sadly, that's where the kudos end. Proviso: I am lactose intolerant so I was drinking the soy milk versions...but banana and chocolate...boring, and to be honest, the combination of banana and chocolate, which I loved on those frozen dipped wonders from my childhood...is sort of revolting. The all fruit version (bananas w/ orange and mango juice) is just nasty. Oh, and the whey powder...let's just say I'm glad I live alone.

2. The NuvaRing Contraceptive commercial...Grade Z computer animation, which actually shows cyber-women spreading their legs most unflatteringly and, well, is utterly, totally creepy. If you wear the NuvaRing device you get a nicer swimsuit, a thinner stomach, and you get to sit in the non-bubbling kiddie pool? Is there some code here I'm missing? Get this crappy ad off of my TV for women and gay men (aka Lifetime and Bravo) ASAP please! Thanks.

3. The new "90210." Um, you are kidding right? I thought they had already brought this show back...but called it "The OC," and or "GossipGirl," and/or whatever pubescent b/s that the networks that were born after I was are using as filler between new reality shows.

4. Drew Carey on the Price is Right. Um, is anyone else noticing that Mr. Carey seems to be phoning this in in a major way? I think perhaps he enjoyed the first 40 shows, but the 'aw, shucks' mid-western bonhomie has given way to post-modern boredom...and it shows. Even watching only a YouTube snippet here and there, he has all the enthusiasm of a summer squash. I like Drew, but seriously...either start hitting the coffee before each showing, or put this old warhorse down....the showcase showdown is a no-show.

5. (Okay, this isn't a HOT NEW THING, but it's new and it bites, so here goes.) The new smaller products on the grocery shelves at the same price. As NPR recently reported, inflation is being dealt with by the great shrinking cereal boxes and tubs of my non-margarine spread. I first noticed it when the two tubs of Country Crock Light were next to one another in the fridge...the new one smaller...but the price was the same. And have you noticed the number of slices in the package of swiss cheese and white cheddar has diminished? New ways to secretly trick the consumer, AKA, me. Phhhhhllbbbtttt!

6. The New George W. Bush. Oh, I'm sorry, that's John McCain. Who knew the Straight Talk Express could SO transform itself as to become a mouthpiece of Bush foreign policy and the domestic agenda of the Religious Right? Sigh.

7. The post-Tyler Florence Bruschetta Burger at Applebee's.
Okay, so I know it's not good for you. But when this first came out...with its pesto and bruschetta and mozarella cheese on focaccia...with the tower of skinny garlic fries dusted with shaved parmesan...it kicked some food chain butt. Now, our man Tyler's name is off the menu...the focaccia is grittier, the cheese is almost gone, the fries are boring Applebees fries with no shaved parm...In short..the thrill is gone, this is just one more tired burger you can't eat with your hands...BOOOO HISSSSS!

8. Dare I say it, the new season of "Project Runway." I don't like these people, I don't care about these people, I don't like their clothes...I want my Austen Scarlet and my Christian, Chris, Jack and Rami. If I hear one more "I work in leather" or one more "holla at your boy" I'm gonna lose it. (Blayne, I've heard Christian's 'fierce', I knew Christian's fierce, and your 'holla' is no 'fierce'. Go home.) Can't we just skip to Suede, Keith, Kenley and Terri as the final four and get on with this? Even Tim Gunn seems bored.