No, I'm not talking about the latest Levitra ad...

I'm talking about the 13" of snow that fell on Chicago last night. Oh, it's still snowing, and lo it will be a mess for days to come. Disastrous, in fact.

Although I'm a little hesitant using the word "disaster" to describe the streets of Chicago after a snowstorm after William Safire's latest On Language column in the New York Times Sunday Mag, I'm still going with it.

Becuase for me -- and countless others -- it's going to be hell trying to naviage the streets and sidewalks in this city for at least two weeks, barring another 65 degree warm-up. But, again, this is Chicago, and anything is possible in January (apparently).

Here's the problem with Chicago's snow removal:

-- 2 of 5 property owners actually remove the snow in front of their homes

-- 2 of 5 streets are actually plowed

-- 1 of 5 streets are actually plowed and sanded effectively

Hence, driving, walking, cabbing -- hell getting anywhere by any means is a real sonofagun.

Driving: I have no problem driving through deep snow. Even though I don't have an all-wheel drive car, I'm used to it, so it's no problem. Where the challenge comes in: Have fun trying to find a place to park in Lincoln Park once you've moved your car during any significant snowfall. I fear that if I move my car, I might have to park 4 miles away. I'm not kidding. It's not funny.

Walking: Sure if you've got a good pair of boots and a little determination, you can get anywhere in 12 inches of snow. Problem is, it's going to take about 4 X as long to get there. That sucks. And when it really bites you in the ass: Going home. Getting there is no problem, until you realize that you've got to do it all over again...

Cabbing: First of all, all cabs in Chicago have rear-wheel drive, and most are drivin' by someone born in one of the equatorial (hot) regions of the world, and thus have very limited experience driving in snow -- with REAR-WHEEL drive. So, that's scary. Next, independent of driving experience, the streets are gonig to be slow. When the streets are slow, charges on the meter pile up. Something I'm not prepared to do while in grad school.

Like I said before, at least these people don't complain about it. Except for me -- and my friend Dickie, but you've got to cut him some slack because he grew up with a punch of patsies in LA.

Please, Fiancee (TM), if you're listening: Send me the cross-country skis and/or the snowshoes.