It's been a good weekend so far. Since I was down the hill for EnigmaCon, I was able to meet up with several people I hadn't seen in far too long: my brother's boyfriend, Steve; the Adlers (LB is adorable! I just wish our boys could have been able to spend more time playing together), Andy, and Bridget and Jeff. I also got to at least briefly hang out with friends at the con itself.

I worked the green room most of the day, which meant I got to be social with a lot of the guests. I discovered I had mixed feeling about this. What got me wasn't the celebrity, but the intelligence, wit and creativity of several of these people. I enjoyed riffing off of Harlan Ellison. I enjoyed talking about babies with Julie Caitlin Brown. I enjoyed trying to talk Jason Carter into tap dancing. (And, yes, Dayle, I enjoyed meeting you, too. :) )

But it's not my world. Even the hours spent reconnecting with friends is something I rarely get to do. You may have noticed I haven't been posting a lot here. Heck, I didn't even post about Hunter's first birthday (highlights: the giant box my dad gave him to play inside, chasing his four-year-old cousin, putting his foot in the cake, and discovering the sensual pleasures of frosting), or that he's got two more teeth, or the way that he has all the cadences and inflections of speech without words such that I keep feeling that, if I listen just a little more carefully or perhaps a little more intuitively, I'll be able to understand what he's trying to say. I've mentally composed journal entries on all these and more, but I haven't been able to sit down and write them out.

Heck, I barely even read journals anymore. I'll skim my LJ Friendslist, but there are only a couple of others I read regularly, and I feel guilty about it. It's like, on some level, I feel like I'm abandoning friends, and I don't like it.

But the truth is that I don't feel like there's enough of me to go around right now. Between taking care of Hunter (which could take up an entire life of its own), working part-time for the school district, trying to get Dracos and my website design actually professional (still a ways to go), trying to reclaim and maintain our house (which sometimes takes almost as much investment as Hunter), managing our finances, spending at least a little time with Shawn, and trying to fit a little Me time in somewhere -- I have no other life.

I'm glad EnigmaCon is over. It was very stressful and time- and energy-consuming. We're getting together with friends for a BBQ today, and I'm trying to remain In The Now, just for today, because tomorrow I have to start packing for our trip to Chicago on Thursday.

It's hard. There are times I really regret being so far from so many friends. I'm a social person, and connections like this weekend sustain me and refuel my energy. But true friendships also deserve investment, and I just can't, and it's killing me.