WARNING: ANYONE WHO HAS NOT HAD SMALL CHILDREN MAY FIND THIS ENTRY TMI

I believe that potty training isn't really all that different from parenting in general. It's not just a single skill, but a whole series of learned skills that require* a certain level of cognitive understanding, demonstration, practice, patience, and warm encouragement. (After all, it's not like you'd expect a three-year-old to have perfect, elegant cursive handwriting.) Perhaps most importantly, IMHO, it needs to be a partnership between parent and child.

Hunter raised my hopes back in April showing multiple signs of readiness: he'd let me know when he'd pooped and ask for a new diaper (he was starting to let me know when he was wet as well), he loved sitting on Hunter's Potty, and overall, he seemed very excited about the idea. I figured that, by July (when I had a few weeks off work), he'd be more than ready to move to the next step.

Then he moved into his own room and started going to nursery school. He has since decided that, what with being away from Mama for longer hours without one-on-one attention, learning the alphabet, trying to figure out what numbers are for, learning songs, trying to deal with other kids, etc. -- the whole idea of concentrating on and self-regulating his bodily functions is more than he wants to take on at this time.

How do I know this?

First of all, not only did he stop announcing when he needed a new diaper, he started actively denying it (even when it was clear to everyone else in the room that yes, he DID need a new diaper.) Then he stopped wanting to sit on the potty. Finally, he got really excited when he saw the Thomas the Tank Engine underwear I'd bought for him, but when I explained that he could wear them after he learned how to use the potty, he looked at them a bit wistfully, then folded them and put them very deliberately back into the drawer.

So we went back to practicing auxiliary skills: getting dressed/undressed, learning to differentiate wet from dry diapers, aiming in the shower ("Here, Hunter -- try to pee in the cup!") -- which also helped practicing starting and stopping flow. I figured maybe in another month or two, he might be interested in putting these skills into practice.

However, last night after his bath, he announced that he wanted to poop in the potty -- and he did. I was astonished and so very happy, but I wasn't expecting much else. I told him that, because he'd pooped in the potty, the next morning, he could wear the Special Pull-Up Diapers With Dragons (he loves dragons). He was very excited and every five minutes after lights-out, he kept trying to convince me that it was time to get up so he could wear his SP-UDw/Ds.

The next morning, I reminded him of his achievement and his earned reward. He proudly put them on and kept looking at the dragons. "Look, mama! D'agons! G'een d'agons! Puhple d'agon!"

Within short order, he'd peed in the pull-up, and I explained again that these were Special Diapers that he would get to wear when he was ready to learn how to use the potty. If he wanted to pee and poop in a diaper instead of using the potty, he'd have to wear a regular diaper. With barely a moment's hesitation, he asked for regular diapers. I wasn't terribly surprised.


When I shared this story with a co-worker, her response was, "Yeah, boys always have control issues."

I'm afraid I may have actually gaped at her.

I was trying to convey my delight in Hunter's ability to

1. understand the requirements for fulfilling his desire,
   
2. compare the strength of his desire to the effort he would need to expend to achieve it,
   
3. evaluate his ability to put forth this effort, and
   
4. make a conscious decision based on this analysis.
   

To me, it felt as though she'd responded to my story by telling me that sometimes cheese gets moldy if you leave it out too long.

What?

Methinks it may not have been her child who had the control issues....

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* (at least when training a toddler, rather than an infant, which is more behavioral modification rather than teaching)