Up until about a month and a half ago, Hunter was potty trained. Sure, he'd have the occasional accident, and nap and bedtimes required pull-ups, but he was excited about Being A Big Boy and getting to wear Big Boy underpants and all that sort of stuff.

Then we started getting a little more strict with discipline ("I'm sorry, sweetie, but you know the rules: if you hit Mama, you don't get books before bed,") and it all went downhill.

Some well-meaning friends have tried to reassure me that sometimes you just have to wait until he's Ready. Personally, I find that vague "Ready" quantifier to be something of a cop-out.

I've got a pretty good idea what's going on with Hunter -- his thoughts and emotions are not only written all over his face, but radiate from his very being. The problem is that there are two primary reasons why he hasn't been using the potty, and because they are diametrically opposed, it's really hard figuring out how to deal with them.

On the one hand, there's a very strong sense of, "You're not the boss of me!" To which I respond, "You're right; I can't make you do anything. If you don't want to use the potty, there's nothing I can do to force you. However, until you show that you're a Big Boy, you won't be able to do all the cool, fun stuff that Big Boys get to do (help Mama, push the microwave buttons, make pancakes, etc."

The other fear he has is that, if he becomes too independent, we'll stop taking care of him. I respond to this with lots of extra snuggles and one-on-one attention, telling him how much I love him and will always love him, regardless of what he does.

It is a very complicated balancing act, though, trying to find the right ratio of reassurance and consequences. Shawn was concerned that I was placing too much emphasis on the consequences, and I was concerned that I was asking for Hunter to do too much before he was rewarded (he was starting to get into the habit of using the potty specifically -- and only -- when he wanted to do a Big Boy thing, which I was trying to discourage), so I'm trying to soften things a bit today and see how things go. So far, he's been doing well this morning, so I'll keep my fingers crossed.

If nothing else, we'll be home together for several weeks over the summer, so by the time he starts Real Preschool the last week of July (!), we should be golden.

But I am getting really tired of this.