We had a lovely retreat for (from?) work today. There was a lot of sharing and discussion with some truly wonderful people about how we help those whose lives we touch. The very last "assignment" was to write a list of 5 things we wanted to do before we died.

I had no desire to participate.

It's not that I have done everything I want to do, even though, on paper, I actually have done a lot. It's that my focus has shifted (even more than I have previously alluded to) from doing to being.

When I first saw It's A Wonderful Life, I found it to be one of the most depressing movies I had ever seen. Here is a guy who never had the chance to pursue his dreams. I found that idea heartbreaking.

And yet, years later, I get it.

A lot of what I have been doing the past couple of years is learning how to let go of expectations. I like the idea of exploring, of seeking new experiences, of stretching beyond one's comfortable boundaries. But it seems to me that framing interests in the form of a Bucket List implies, "If I do these specific things, I will be happy." Which also implies the reverse corollary: "If I don't do these things, I will die unfulfilled." And it is this potentially corrosive assumption that I dislike.

Because, like George Bailey, what I have learned is that happiness isn't about specific things you may or may not have done in your life.

It's how you live it.