YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN LOUISIANA WHEN ....

You have FEMA's number on your speed dial.

You have more than 300 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.

Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti Os.

You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.

When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe hallway.

Your SSN isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie on your arms.

You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.

You are delighted to pay only $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.

The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.

You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.

You own more than three large coolers.

You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.

Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

You catch a 13-pound redfish in your driveway.

You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's and flood insurance policies.

You consider a "vacation" to stunning Tupelo, Mississippi.

At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.

You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.

There is a roll of tar paper in your garage (if you still have a garage).

You can rattle off the names of the meteorologists who work for the Weather Channel.

Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

Ice is a valid (and deeply interesting) topic of conversation.

Your "drive-thru" meal consists of MRE's and bottled water.

Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.

You spend more time on your roof than in your living room.

You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or a tree worker.

A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.

You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.

Your child's first words are "hunker down" and you didn't go to UGA.

Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.

Toilet Paper is elevated to "coin of the realm" at the Red Cross shelter.

You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."

Your kids start school in August and finish in July.

You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.