Oddly enough, this is an entry about a different retard than everyone's been talking about the past day or so. Might be a nice change of pace.

Jen and I headed out this evening, and at some point realized that we had no idea what we were doing for dinner. The idea of Kentucky Fried Chicken came up but the last time we were there, the guy behind the desk really wasn't all that competent. So, I made the mistake of actually calling the place, to see if they had in what we wanted (they didn't last time). Keep in mind, this is Kentucky Fried Chicken. They make chicken. I asked them about chicken. What I got was:

Guy: "Hello, Kentucky Fried Chicken."

Me: "Hi there. Do you still have that bucket of the fried chicken, popcorn chicken, and chicken strips?"

And so the nightmare began.

Guy: (at the top of his lungs, in a bizarre accent he didn't have two seconds beforehand) "WHAZZACHEEKENSTREEP?!?!?!" (translation - I think - "What's a chicken strip?")

I nearly peed myself in shock.

Me: "Um... a chicken strip. It's in the bucket."

Guy: "IDUNNOWHATCHEEKENSTREEPIS!!!" (translation - "I don't know what a chicken strip is.")

Me: (still in shock) "You don't have the buckets, then?"

Guy: (suddenly, the accent is gone) "Oh, the bucket with the fried chicken, the popcorn chicken, and the chicken fingers?"

Me: (stunned) "Yup, that's the one."

Guy: (screaming again, and with the accent) "NOWEDONTHAVETHOSE!" (translation - "No, we don't have those.")

We got Panda Express instead. Safer for all of us that way.

*shudder*

This guy works with food. Food that people - random strangers - eat. This bipolar freakjob of a monkey-man is probably twitching and frothing like Tweak from South Park in the back of a KFC, throwing chicken parts at his co-workers while screaming incomprehensible ramblings about CHEEKENSTREEPS. I ain't eating that. No way. Uh-uh.

S
This Scarlet "S" goes to the twitchy chicken man at KFC. Because, well, damn.