Thanks to Sarah (Rhubarb at Blog City) for the following kitchen humor:

• Oven Mitt: A partially charred grease stain that fits over the hand.

• Picnic: Any meal eaten more than 100 yards from the nearest bathroom

• Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy in utensils you don't own to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.

• Sugar: One of a class of carbohydrates present in one form or another in all foods. Common sources of sugar and the types they contain are: fructose and glucose (fruit juice and honey); lactose (milk); sucrose (sugar cane or sugar beets); maltose (malt); and jocose, verbose, morose, lachrymose, bellicose, and comatose (alcohol).

• Taste: a) the ability to distinguish between, say, Tripes a la mode de Caen and chocolate pudding; and b) the critical discernment necessary to choose the chocolate pudding.

• Timer: Adjustable clock that rings or otherwise signals when a particular dish is overcooked.