I found out this morning that a friend of mine from college, Brian Westfall, was killed last July in a car accident that occured near the tunnel where the 405 freeway joins with the 5 freeway.



Brian and I hooked back up about 2 years ago when I was in LA for a friend's wedding, after a long stint where we had been out of touch. Talking with him there, and over email since then, I could tell he hadn't changed much since freshman year of college, when I met him. When he stopped responding to my emails last summer, I figured he'd just gotten busy, and when I started getting "this mailbox is full" messages sometime later, I thought he'd changed his email address and stopped checking the account, maybe even that I'd managed to get in a spam filter or something and that he'd abandoned the account for excess junk mail. I *never* imagined it was something more serious, and it didn't even occur to me when I tried to reach him in February when I was coming out to LA.

So, it has definitely come as a complete and utter shock to me, and I'm not sure when the last time was that I actually wanted to find someone and enact justice on them...it was actually probably that same summer I met Brian, when one of my housemates was mugged...the same housemate whose wedding facilitated my reunion with Brian more recently.

The person who hit Brian (mind you, the accident wasn't Brian's fault) simply got out of his car, examined his damage, got back in, and LEFT. He didn't check on Brian or his passenger. He didn't call for help. He didn't care. Brian was killed, and his friend (whose name is familiar, but I'm not sure why) suffered a broken back and multiple other fractures.

Brian was a freaking *incredible* person. There are few people that I could truly say were as upstanding as him. He would have taken a bullet for a friend, and I don't know many people that I could say with confidence would REALLY do that if it came to it. He was brilliant and creative, passionate, and truly cared about the people around him. When we were in a summer class together, some of our classmates played a horribly cruel joke on him. Another friend and I were completely and positively enraged at them for doing something so awful, but Brian never seemed to be. He distanced himself from them, but was sad, rather than angry, and never for a moment let it slow him down.

Brian was extremely active in his community, and in college, he was extremely active with the cinema school and with the campus. He was always a fascinating person to talk to, and if you ever needed anything, he'd be right there for you.

My biggest regret is that I wasn't a better friend to Brian, that I wasn't in touch more consistently, that I didn't make myself more available when I was in LA, that I didn't tell him that I held him in such high esteem. I honestly don't think he ever realized how important he was to the people who knew him.

This is a time when I stop to think about my beliefs on death, and say a silent prayer that death isn't the end, that what comes after ISN'T nothingness, but that on some level of consciousness, you are able to continue on and that what you have earned in life is what you receive in death.

I think Brian has earned something better. I hope he has received it.

And I hope he knows that he is missed, and he will be missed for a long, long time.