So, I'm trying to relax. This doesn't come naturally to me, but I just had a conversation with Nika's (very good) vet in which he said basically, it'll be a while yet before we know anything for sure. I'm supposed to call back on Thursday just to find out what the next steps are in testing...although the reassuring news is that he personally finds it very unlikely that she really does have the scary condition that her first biopsies tentatively pointed towards. It's very rare, particularly in adult dogs, and she does have some, but not nearly all of the expected symptoms. And in the meantime...

Well, in the meantime, it's just getting to be too much to feel this stressed all the time. Nika's having a really hard time, non-stop, with an incredible amount of physical discomfort, and it's almost unbearable for me and Patrick to see her that way. We want her to be fixed. Now!

But since that can't happen...what she needs most is a calm atmosphere around her, and that's what we, secretly, also desperately need. So we're working on ways to relax and to both feel and act calmer while we're at home (even though we can't even pet her without bumping across all the hideous lesions all over her skin...horrible).

Today, we're both going out, although we're alternating it so that she doesn't have to be left for too long in her crate with the nasty Elizabethan collar on. First Patrick's going to a cafe in town for some writing time, and then he'll come home to look after Nika while Justina and I go out to Borders and also browse around some clothing shops just for fun.

Patrick's out now, so I'm listening to the "Relax" playlist I made myself on iTunes yesterday: Frou Frou's song "Let Go" (thanks Karen for this one!), Hayley Westenra's CD Odyssey (minus the second song, which I can't stand), Pink Martini's CD Hang On Little Tomato, and then another Hayley Westenra CD, Pure.

Yesterday after work I did a £10 comfort shop (yay payday!) and came home with all my new goodies for a relaxation session. First I painted my toenails with new icy blue nail polish, then I doodled pictures of an ice fairy in my new sketchpad (with nice new colored pencils), and then I wrote a new short-short story set in Antarctica. (Working title: "On the Ice". And yes, of course there is an ice fairy in it. This was my relaxation project!) Very fun. And ever since then, I've been reading short stories from my new copy of Georgette Heyer's collection Pistols for Two, which makes perfect relaxation fare.

Perhaps by total coincidence, Nika's been seeming a lot calmer, too. She's been shivering less, whining less...maybe it's unrelated. But I hope it's also partly because she's picking up less stress from us.

And I love my new glittery blue toenails!