Halfway through today, I came to a decision. I'd been feeling mildly panicky all day about important, scary decisions I've had to make recently in different areas of life (work, writing, etc.), and this past year has been a Year Of Hell in almost every possible way, from health problems to family losses to financial hits...and I finally decided the way to deal with everything that's stressing me out or making me sad or panicky is to unbutton my stiff upper lip (OK, stop laughing! I usually complain much less than I want to! Seriously!) and turn the rest of the day into a Chocolate Ice Cream Pity Party.

For the rest of the day, I get to feel sorry for myself for every petty little disappointment (the pettier the better!) and I'm going to indulge myself in virtual chocolate ice cream for comfort. This is an unfortunate compromise - see, another thing to feel sorry for myself about! - brought about by my healthy-eating kick in the last month. See, there actually is no chocolate in the house...but I'm going to imagine the most luxuriant chocolate fudge brownie ice cream for myself (and since it's only virtual, I get to eat as much as I want, without guilt!).

These are my pettiest and most pressing (today, at least) complaints:
(1) I can't go out to a cafe or bookstore today. This means I can't have a comfort frappucino. Aack! How will I survive?
(2) Even though it's beautiful and sunny outside, there's a bitterly cold, hard wind, so I can't sit outside and enjoy the sunshine. Boo!
(3) I've used up my latest international phone card, so I can't phone any of my friends in America to complain to them (lucky friends).

Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream.

This afternoon I listened to two gorgeously sad programs on Sound and Spirit. I knitted while I listened to the first, but I put down the knitting and just let myself weep straight through the one on "Mourning and Loss". God, it hurt to let the grief for Nika roll through me...but listening to the show, and letting out the grief, felt like soaking up virtual chocolate ice cream.

Amazingly enough, I felt a lot better afterwards. But I'm not letting that stop me. My Pity Party isn't scheduled to end until midnight tonight. Anyone else want to join me? Luckily, there's plenty of virtual chocolate fudge ice cream (and any other flavor of your choice!) to go around. (And if you don't like your ice cream, well, it's okay to feel sorry for yourself about that. At least until midnight tonight.)