So, I just finished my first pass through the copyedited manuscript. (Two more passes to go - one to make a decision on all the points I wasn't sure about in my first pass, and one more to try to read through it like a real book - of all the weird concepts! - and check for any other line edits/inconsistencies that might be hiding in it.) I am kind of like a mass of limp jello at the moment, but it's all good. And can I say how grateful I am for my awesome editor and copyeditor, both of whom have sharp eyes for mistakes that would have made me look dumb, and one of whom (Awesome Editor) also saved my sanity by marking in all the places where she laughed in pleasure as she read? It was just enormously reassuring, especially since I started both of my sessions over the last two days by freezing up for a half hour of panic before I managed to get started.

"Don't be ridiculous!" I lectured myself, both days. "They're only line edits! It's not a big deal! You can do this!" But I froze up anyway, because...because...because, well, it's all so real. This is going to be a real book! It's got a disclaimer at the front of the manuscript about how the characters are all fictional, just like a real book! It's got the publisher's name and cities listed in it, and a projected print run for the hardcover version! It's even got - coolest and scariest of all - a publication date on the front page of the manuscript (which I won't repeat here because I don't know if it's real yet, or - if it is - whether I'm allowed to announce it)! So...the changes I make on this manuscript aren't just for fun, y'know? They're real, and they're going to change what's printed on all those thousands of real, live copies. (Okay, I know that books aren't technically alive. But as a life-long reader, I have to admit that they do feel "live" to me, kinda. And yeah, I know that sounds crazy, but...)

This is exactly the position I've spent the last twenty-five years of my life fantasizing about being in. And I'm totally loving it, honestly I am. But it's also unexpectedly terrifying.

So those little scribbled "ha!"'s that my Awesome Editor put in the sidelines of the manuscript near lines of dialogue that she particularly liked?

Pure gold. 100 Karat, at the very least.