Why don’t Czech girls like me? Maybe it’s because I don't speak the language... Or maybe it’s my shoes?

On the street and in the subway I often notice the first things that many Czech women look at are my feet.

Maybe I don’t look friendly enough… tall enough or fuckable. But I am. I think it was Meatloaf who said “two out of three ain’t bad.”

But I bet if I took two or three hours to study the Czech phrasebook I bought last week, I’d look different. I can say “please” and “thank you.” I can order a beer.

Time for a new pair of shoes?

I haven’t shaved in a week and my hair is a mess, but that doesn’t make me any different than a lot of the men I see here with beautiful women hanging from their arms or grinding on a park bench.

Could it be my deodorant? I was on a train last week standing near two pleasant gentlemen who were wearing thick turtleneck sweaters and heavy leather jackets. How BO penetrates that much clothing to choke an entire train car is incredible!

My bartender is stunning and she understands enough English to reply to my question re: the location on the nearest WC. A guy at the Post (Prague not Washington) interviewed a porn producer/director for a story in last week’s paper—read it, it’s better than mine—and she said that she likes pairing Czech girls with foreign guys. “If they don’t speak the same language, there’s less chance there will be complications,” she said, or something like that. I considered sending her an audition tape until I finished the article and realized that she likes to cast Italian men opposite her Czech starlets.

I haven't really been intersted in the porn business since high school, shortly after I gave up every young man's dream to be a photag for PLAYBOY, although Nery thinks I’m cut out to write about it. Just before I left Paris, he e-mailed me a heads-up that the Adult Video News, the monthly magazine of the porn industry, was hiring two reporters.

It was nice to see that somebody cares about my future, but as I am “stuck” in Prague for the next three months, I forwarded the note posthaste to ndchristine.

Last time I checked, she hadn’t heard back.

“These things take time,” I told her. “If Waterloo flew Nery in for a weekend of wining and dining, I’m sure the editors in Van Nuys just want to make sure they can offer you a large, attractive package.”

Should have sent it to Dickie too. Just think of the money he'd save living with his parents, wiriting for the Adult Video News.

So what kind of clips does a reporter need to get that job anyway? And where do you get them? Prague?

Wouldn’t it be great to browse the Medill alumni network and see one our own writing for AVN? What a grand Crain’s Lecture Series speaker? I can hear the opening remarks now: “If there ever was a trade paper to work for, AVN is it! Nice people, nice weather and bringing your work home is a pleasure.”

My bartender could be AVN’s “Best New Starlet" if she put mind and body to it.

According to my colleague’s story the Czech porn biz is losing girls everyday to the greater Los Angeles area.

Brain drain, yes, but an ass drain?

Maybe my shoes won’t look so strange in the San Fernando Valley?

That is all.

Or is it?

Jazz Corner

Listening to an old Thelonious Monk quartet with John Coltrane recording reminds me of one of the few cruel realities of living in Prague. New releases don’t make it here quickly.

So for those of you back home looking to invest $15 in a potentially great record, go out and buy “Thelonious Monk Quartet with John Coltrane Live at Carnegie Hall 1957.”

The “lost” tapes were found in a box by a guy at the Library of Congress last winter. Marked “sp. Event 11/29/57 carnegie jazz concert (#1),” with one of the tapes barring the sole marking “T. Monk,” Blue Note remastered the two shows, an early and late set, and released the record last week.

It is available from I-Tunes but when it comes to jazz, I’m a sucker for liner notes and the great artwork and photography that Blue Note is know for. So, yes, I am telling you to buy an album I haven’t listened to, but early reviews are good.

My friend in all things booze, Ron, told me “the sound quality is amazing.”

So stop pissing away your money on the latest Top 40 simpletons and tune-in.

Don’t squeal on the pusher...