OK, so I haven't done an entry for about a week now, not due to the lack of things happening in my life and all around me, but I haven't been feeling very eloquent lately. Maybe I am getting slightly intimidated by the nicely written and striking opinions and recollections of those journals I read, maybe I've just been in a sort of writers block. I’m not a very politically minded person when it all comes down to it. Who knows. Even Misty has been able to make more updates than me lately.

I'm also not really sure what to think about this war, or how to express those opinions I do have. It's like I've been so bombarded with politics and viewpoints, and everything from good logical points to "that was logic?" points. I probably just cannot reflect right now because my head is still processing it all. Or perhaps I'm afraid that if I muse on my feelings on the war, the minute I put them down and re-read them, my opinions may have already changed.

Grr, I think I'm just over thinking and under speaking, it's my way of dealing with the stress.

Last time there was a war on TV my parents insisted on telling me to go outside and play instead of watching TV. I do remember seeing a lot of it, but I don't remember being very scared of anything. Of course, I didn't really understand the concept of terrorists or alert colors, or war tactics. I mean, I knew what terrorism was, but it used to only be on TV, with people bringing bombs on planes, nothing as devastating a reality as the towers. It wasn't that the media desensitized me, but I think it was the other way around. I had a tiny black and white TV till high school, so nothing on TV was really *real* but rather small, black and white, and full of static. I didn’t start getting large doses of reality and media until much later on in my life.

But being older, and seeing the piles of rubble up close, smelling the ashes a full 3 months after the 9/11 incident, and seeing people cry in the streets around it really impacted me at how devastating things can be in a crisis situation. Should the fact that this happened push us to war? Of course not. But the fact that there’s war is what makes me think about terrorism all over again.

Los Angeles just strikes me as a target if there were to be one.

In other news, related or not to the political stress, I’ve kind of developed this pseudo-sleepwalking insomnia thing over the past month or so (although I’ve had various insomnia things for years now). I’ve gotten up to get ready for work and fumbled around doing so, even to the point of getting into the shower before I realize that it is only like 2 something in the morning and my alarm has several hours before it goes off. Erik has caught me a few times just wandering around trying to do stuff. Once I realize that I shouldn’t be up, I am able to go back to sleep, but often I have found myself in an almost panic, anxious feelings that I am supposed to be doing something or finishing something right fucking now, even if I cannot think of what it was that I felt compelled to do. It’s been weird.

And last night, I stayed up probably later than I should have watching the news and then the Daily Show, and then some more news.

I had a weird dream last night that I had recently gotten breast implants, and that I wasn’t being allowed on the plane to get to Janel’s wedding (which I am going to be a bridesmaid in in May) because they were certain that I could be smuggling something dangerous, either drugs or explosives, in the implants. They had a surgeon there to assist in “situations like this” and were leading me to an op room, at the airport, which looked like an airport and a hospital, when I woke up.

So, besides my obviously stressed out subconscious, and current events, I have had to do some work to re-organize the noahboddy.com site. We have decided, after much debate, that we would rather stop the game here than let it dwindle on with the remaining pieces. The story has a possibility of being put into production, but it also means that we cannot continue to use the story as part of the game. The rest of the game would fall apart without it, and the last thing we want is for our players to struggle through what they’ve done so far being turned into something completely different right in the middle. We’re going to put up answers to the puzzles that we’ve had, and to my knowledge we plan on keeping the character’s journals up in LJ, but that’s all I know for now. I’m trying to devise a way to wrap up what we have done so far in order to provide the loyal players some recognition for their work. There may still be prizes, or now, I don’t know for sure. I just hate letting over 200 people down all at once, giving them nothing in return. I did get some nice emails and messages from players who seem to understand the situation, and who appreciate the work that went into the project so far. Thanks guys! I have been brainstorming ideas of what to do next with the site, but will probably need a way to get more players, because I

So I’ve lost a couple of pounds, but have been working out for two whole months with no real significant change. I watch what I eat without clinging to a fad diet. Maybe I’m doing something wrong. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like paying 50 bucks for a personal trainer session so he can tell me what it is that I’m doing wrong.

And I must admit, I was a bit nervous going to the gym last night, which is in the lower level of the Arco Towers, right in the middle of downtown. I went anyways, and waited until after Bush’s 7:15 speech before heading back home.

Well, that’s life as per Thea. I’ve got a busy rest of the week planned (hopefully not busy when I’m trying to sleep). I have a couple more hours here today, and lots of stuff to do tomorrow (doing other people’s work sucks).

Laters!