So, the rest of the story, the next day, and the next few loops and turns in the rollercoaster...

I wake up to a phone call, it was my sister Carrie, asking if I still wanted to come to dinner that night...

* Whoa! What? *still walking up* Huh? Abrupt much?

I asked whether people wanted me there. She said that she wanted to see me, and that there would be no drama with my brother, and everything would be okay.

So, my immediate reaction is to get all upset all over again. I was way confused. I was happy that Carrie called me, but now was unsure of what Danny wanted, and was still angry about the night before. I tried to express all of this as clearly as possible during that phone call. She asked if I wanted to talk to Danny, and I was totally not ready to do so at that point in time.

So I tried calming down some. I took a long bath. I was thinking about how this would be the only chance I would get to see Carrie, as I will be out of town for the rest of her visit down here. I was thinking about how I wasn't sure if I would be able to compose myself for a visit. I didn't want to just show up and pretend like nothing happened. I didn't want to ruin the dinner by awkwardness or by causing a scene...

Actually, I really wanted to cause a scene at that point. I wanted to have a full on loud discussion and debate and defend myself and my beliefs and logic and demand that they all do the same. I wanted to make it perfectly clear that, though I was baptized at 12, I was not going to use that as my out. I knew what I was doing back then. Considering all the information I had, it was exactly what I thought I should do at that point in my life. I don't regret doing it, and I don't regret the time I spent dedicated to that at that time. I think one of the only things that I do regret was how I treated some people, like my older sister. I have grown quite a bit intellectually, emotionally, and logically since I made those choices. I've gotten past the fear and guilt. Things are different. I wanted to make sure that all cards were showing and that everyone was clear on things.

But at that point, I had only talked to Carrie.

While in the bath Misty called to see if I was going, and to let me know that she and my little bro were going. I was totally cool with them going, especially if Danny had been rethinking things. I just wasn't all that sure that I was in a place to be going over there. But I told them that they should go.

A while after my bath Danny called my cell phone. I answered, and he profusely apologized. He felt really bad, and felt like he was manipulated by my older sister and that he was still flustered and not thinking. See, there's a reason why he hasn't spoken to her for so long. She's judgemental, and she's critical, and she plays the guilt game to make you question yourself. Since I was little I didn't understand how she could possibly be so judgemental, especially as it was very clear to me that the bible said exactly the opposite, that noone should judge. (We've had that arguement before, ended poorly) So I explained everything that I had gone through since that conversation. I wanted to make it abundantly clear what I went through. He begged for me to come, and that the last thing he wants is any strife between the family.

So we went, Nick drove Erik and I because Erik's tire was not going to make it. I didn't expect Erik, or Nick for that matter, to be entirely thrilled to be going. Erik was very supportive for anything that I decided to do on this. He was still pretty mad too, but wanted me to have the chance to work through whatever.

So I talked more with Danny. I wasn't as bold or as vocal as I could have been, but I'll save that for some time in the future that I can really sit him down and talk. We made food, hung out with the kids, things were tense, but not awkward.

He knew that he screwed up, and I had no apologies of my own.