Tuesday

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"Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett
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I am here but I do not want to be here.

I do not know why I am in such a funk lately. I should be feeling better now that the moon is waning. I have no desire to get up in the morning. I have no desire to do much of anything other than read.

I had another bout of diarrhea last night. Luckily it purged itself before I went to bed. I would have been horrified had I messed the bed.

I know we are not supposed to rewrite sentences and stuff but I cannot stand it when I have a fragment and I will rewrite it if I want to.

Michael remade the bed last night. He did a wonderful job and he did it without my assistance.

So there morning pages!

I am glad I had another morning to sleep in. This is the fifth Tuesday of the month and King's Cupboard is only open for the first four Tuesdays.

We will need to go to the food bank tomorrow because we are getting down on food. But then comes the first, Michael will have food stamps to use. Thank heavens for the food stamps.

We did receive an acknowledgement from our housing representative that she received my notification of Michael receiving food stamps. She stated, " . . . at this time no action will be taken at this time." I hope this does not mean that she will hit us up with it at the end of the year and our rent will go up again. Egads!

Yesterday I had three cups of tea from the same tea bag. Michael made a face when I told him. However, I still had flavor by the third cup. I will not hold them over to another day. However, I feel as long as I am getting tea then they must be good to use. This will make my tea stash last longer.

I wonder if drinking tea is what is creating the diarrhea?

Michael made himself a cup of tea yesterday. He did it himself and discovered he needed to have two tea bags to make the strength of tea he liked. Now that I know this I can make it for him when he wants me too.

I have a good portion of the Tami Hoag book I am reading finished. I should be able to finish it up by tomorrow. That is, if I keep reading at the rate I am going. This will mean not doing to much else as well.

I am thinking I will check out books from the library this week. I have been doing a good job in going through the books I have at home. It will be a nice present to me. I will take my "want to read" notebook and choose from there this time. Although I know I will want at least one book from the express reading section.

I learned Sunday that S had a reading club going last year. Only she had problems from those who had wanted to purchase their books. She wants to use the library. I agree with her especially since I am attempting to weed out my books. Maybe she and I can do something this winter.

She wants me to help her get started with a blog. With her talking about blogging, I want to get back to mine. I can always write my entries here and then go over to her apartment to use the Internet and download my entry and edit it there. She is such a dear to trade out this way.

I really like her energy and she is such a sweet lady. I can tell she is very appreciative of our assisting her in getting provisions from the food bank. Thank heavens our day is open and it is not a problem to do this for her.

I need to remember to call B today and ask about composting since I have so many greens that went bad.

I have thought about digging up the ground between my rows and placing the greens in the trough I make and then covering them over. But, I am not sure about this or that it may smell as the greens break down. I may have to just throw them away and leave it at that. Maybe, B will want them to put in her compost container.

Yesterday was such a day that I did not even send out my "Happy Monday" texts. I will do it today.

I am surprised I have not heard a thing from son. I thought he might respond since it is not a phone call. Oh well, do it for just because. No expectations. It may be enough to get something from me and to know I am reaching out for him.

I am supposed to be writing a page of junk today. This was the prompt for the day from "Room to Write" by Bonni Goldberg. This junk I can delete when I am done and then to go about writing. It is supposed to aid me in not judging my writing even when I feel it is junk. Something in here may be the gem I need for something I am writing about now. Except that I have nothing in the works.

I do have the Nanowrimo piece I began back in 2008, I think? I never did go in to edit or to create a better ending. I do not know why I cannot begin a piece. I do not know what is holding me back. I am way past the worry about now writing good enough. I know I just need to get it down on paper and then I can edit. And even if I do not send my piece out for publishing, I know that I completed something. I can enjoy my own writing.

Ah, I am actually on my third page. I did not think I would have enough stuff in me to write this morning. To think I did not want to show up here in the first place.

The one blue jay has appeared this morning. He was making a racket as he was feeding from the suet basket.

I also had one hummingbird appear. I did not get a good enough look at him to know whether he was one of the regulars or a new one. Yesterday I saw one with a red head. Very beautiful he was. The fluid in the feeder is really receding now that the birds have found it.

I have found I like having the radio on when I am writing. I have it just loud enough to hear. Other louder noises can over power it but I can hear it in the back ground.

Last night on Dateline, NBC did a piece on Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton. In how she got into country music and finally became a star. Then how she met Blake Shelton and what their relationship went through because initially he was married. Then he divorced and after a period of time, he proposed and they were married earlier this year. They both like to hunt and fish. She also carries a gun when the state she is in allows it. I like her! She, like me, grew up with guns and going hunting and fishing.

The day is overcast which was predicted last night in the weather report. It is also supposed to be cooler than yesterday. I have the slider open this morning and I am in my nightdress which is sleeveless. I feel fine. It must be the intensity of which I am writing that is keeping from noticing the chilly air. I do like the fresh air though.

I wonder what it is about having fresh air through the house I like. I know I do not like coming home to a stuffy house. I find it refreshing to breathe in the cool air.

I know since the nurse practitioner reduced the dosage of the Estradiol I am taking to one milligram, I have not been so HOT.

mz. em
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Currently reading: "Cry Wolf" - Tami Hoag
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