Monday

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"Creativity oscillates between what is given and what can be discovered." - Deena Metzger
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I awoke again in anxiety and dread. Another dream about a work situation: I was called by a woman whom I was doing something for. She advised me she had checked all my references and then some and had a glowing report from all of them. Because of this she had found me a job. I would be a secretary to a judge. I was excited but also fearful. Our conversation went on and on until I made myself wake up and said I do not want to dream about work any more.

My second dream, I do not remember any of it but it had some thing to do with mother. I want to stop thinking about her. I do not want to go there any more. I want her out of my life. I am tired of the anxiety and dread whenever she pokes into my life. I have done my footwork and I am done with her. No matter how much sister would like us to make up and play nice. I will never trust that woman!

The humming birds are about. I have heard them singing. The one little one who buzzes around the feeder and peers through the slider window has been by several times. He seems the most curious about all the little "flowers" on the base of the feeder and has begun to try them all. Occasionally, he will even land on the platform instead of flying above it. I see one or two of them chasing the other away from the area.

I have left the suet feeder hanging on the wall. The blue jay is the only feeding at this time. Boy is he noisy when he gets his tidbits. I have begun calling him piglet since he seems to grab large pieces of suet. Since I missed three days of writing, I have not noticed any other birds except the ones written above. I hope if I can keep writing daily, I will see more of them.

I want to purchase bird seed this time around when pay day comes. I wonder if this will bring some of the other birds to feed. I would really like to see some of the other small birds who were here when we first moved in.

Yesterday when I finished up writing my morning pages, I wrote my first page for Words of Mine. I told Lady C about Michael getting me an Internet hookup and that I was considering writing online again. She expressed she thought it was a good idea. Plus, she could keep up with me from day to day stuff.

I hear my blue jay but I cannot see him. It sounds like he is coming closer. Oh, he has come from the right side of the fence instead of the left. Oh what a racket he is making. Who is he calling to I wonder? Now he was on the connecting fence. He then flew to the suet basket and was able to perch himself there while he took a bite. Greedy little thing he is.

Today is Labor Day, just another day for Michael and me. It is the day before my birthday this year. Michael is going to barbecue the T-bones for me tomorrow. I am happy to keep it simple. Let's not make a big deal of it all.

mz. em

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Currently Reading:
-- "Watchman" - Ian Rankin
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