An entirely imaginary flight of fantasy.

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Running on a treadmill
Going round and round
Clocking up the mileage
Losing all those pounds!

Quick to break a sweat
Quicker! take a bite
Of some low-carb diet pill
(Or chocolate - out of sight!)

Doing laps around the pool
Splashing to and fro
Hit the bottom on the dive
Three times in a row!

Skip, skip, skippity-skip
all the do dah day
Watch the chiropractors do their thing
Let it rest, they say!

Now it's time to slip it on
See now if it fits
Goodness me look at that
Now they'll call it quits!

Up and down the street I strut
Take your eyeful, please!
Do mop up your dreadful drool
Keep (him/her) on (his/her) leash!

Now I'll go on public air
Hear their jaws drop wide!
Watch the vultures swoop right in
Begging secrets to confide!

And suddenly the front page blares
A photo of the past
All it's flabbiness
The public is aghast!

Diets! Pills! The chocolate sin!
All is now revealed!
I look and see events unfold
Now my fate is sealed!

To stardom! Diets I promote
To big fat wannabes.
They think that all it takes is sweat and food
to look half as good as me.

The fools! They cannot understand
What it means to be
Unearthly beautiful
Means the aliens to see!

Down they came and took my fat
Sucked it right out my nose!
Before my eyes did they of fat
a small city square compose!

They looked at me then and laughed
"Thank ye for thy blubber!
That'll last our entire planet
A whole year and an hour!"

So down they beamed me back to Earth
As skinny as could be.
Why anyone would want my fate
I certainly can't see.

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Apologies to any horizontally challenged individuals that might take offence.

No fat people were harmed (physically) in the making of this production.