So much on my mind right now. I'm fucking ill, which is probably at the forefront. So I'm chillin' on the couch with the Lion's laptop, listening to MTV. I love the cold medication/dayquil high (okay, I don't love it at all...) and I'm trying to organize the rest of my thoughts.

So. My one of my many neurotic tendencies is the fact that when I get interested in someone's online life, or when I have time, or whatever, I go back to the beginning of their journal, and try to read through the whole thing in chronological order, just to get an idea of the flow. This project has now been undertaken for The Judge, since he's good friends with the Devil Man. And because I'm interested. And because, well, I have nothing else to read.

Looking forward to June, and going down to LA for the Atonement thing... Chance to hang out with Devil Man in an atmosphere where I can just kinda be the girl I am without having to worry about judgment, etc. After going to the Connecticut Yankee the other night for the local munch...well, I'm looking forward to a place where the "scene" isn't full of people who I feel so paranoid around. Okay, the SF'ers aren't all (or even a majority) people I'm uncomfy with...it's just that there's a prominent few, and I got stuck at a table that I'm really not sure how I felt about sitting there.

The Lion and I went to the Yankee for the munch on Thursday (oh god, do I loathe that word as a title for a gathering). Friday night we went to "Spank", which was actually pretty cool. Somewhat like being at Kink, only a hell of a lot noisier. I got all wistful for a dom who would play with me in public...and a full toybag, but I suppose both of these will come in time. I have to say it's nice to have the chance to go out and relax in an environment where I can feel comfy in a corset and on a leash. (This is the life...)

But still, I find my mind turning away from the big city...anticipating little things...trips, wanderings, preparations. My first year at Burning Man. I'm looking forward to being "on the playa" after all the things I've heard and read and seen. Figuring out how I am going to balance my time between Lion and Devil is quite a chore, mind you, but one I enjoy. Weird...I love them both, and for all I grouse about the work, I wouldn't trade my relationships in for anything. I actually enjoy the work of trying to keep everything as balanced as I can...if only because it's a refreshing change from not being loved.

Back to June...I have to say... Devil Man promised me something, and my anticipation is all knotted up in my stomach. In a good way. Little butterflies tied up. Hmmm, that could be a really cute picture. (Visions of girls in butterfly costumes in rope harnesses.) Many many things, places my mind is going. Places my mind is going in March. Waiting is such a delicious game...too bad that both of my boys seem to have it down to a science, and I can barely take it. It's just unfair. (Not that I'd ever change it.)

At least I have a few of my own tricks up my sleeve. Plans for PVC clothing (gotta remember to find out what needle the sewing machine needs for that), short skirts, thigh highs, stripper heels. Packing suitcases for my various adeventures mentally already. Looking forward to hitting the Mission St. Thrift Store again, and seeing if they have any more saris, since I've found about one a week there. (Most of them aren't pretty enough for my tastes, so so far the only one I bought is the black and white one that you all might be seeing pictures of soon.) By the time leaving for the playa comes around, I may need to find a portable wardrobe just to somehow fit all the clothes.

And to think that normally I'm the light packer.

Last night I went dancing at Death Guild (yes, even I laugh at the name, but it's actually pretty okay). I requested a Tori song and then managed to be outside smoking when it played. I cursed about that. But I did get (as usual) to dance to Lovegrove, which has to still be my favorite Dead Can Dance song ever. Think the dancing may have helped a little to fight off the illness...and last night I felt the edges of the trance state. I would have dropped all the way in, but the concept of doing that, while ill, in a club, just didn't seem like a good idea. But I really, really, really think I could use that chance soon. Maybe while I'm in LA over the 16th weekend, if nothing else.

Oh, and today's title is a gift for The Judge (if he ever looks over here), from myself, stolen from Neil Gaiman.