Dispatches from the City of Angels
I'm a writer and humorist living in and writing about Los Angeles. You can catch my novel LOSING CLEMENTINE out March 6 from William Morrow. In the meantime, feel free to poke around. Over at my website you can find even more blog entries than I could fit here, as well as a few other ramblings. Enjoy and come back often.
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Favorite Quotes:
"Taint what a horse looks like, it’s what a horse be." - A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett
"Trying to take it easy after you've finished a manuscript is like trying to take it easy when you have a grease fire on a kitchen stove." - Jan Burke
"Put on your big girl panties, and deal with it." - Mom
"How you do anything is how you do everything."
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It's official, I'm a grownup
Remember Cookie Crisp cereal? Cookie Crisp was awesome. Actual mini chocolate chip cookies that you could pour into your mustard yellow 1970s-era Corel bowl, cover with milk and call it breakfast. It was the ultimate kid coup d'etat. Dessert for breakfast. And as long as you actually drank the milk, you were golden.
(Remember when drinking your milk was the biggest nutritional worry for kids? Of course, that was before cable when you had to tear the kid kicking and screaming off his bike to come in for dinner.)
Today, for breakfast, I had a cereal that the box describes as (I swear I am not making this up) crunchy fiber twigs and soy protein grahams. (You're jealous, I can tell.)
A college friend of mine had a guinea pig named Sally Tomato. And I have to say, this cereal looks suspiciously like what was left in Sally's bowl after the daily feeding. Of course, guinea pig leftovers probably taste a little more like alfalfa and a little less like 20-year-old cardboard than this stuff.
I put a banana and a couple of teaspoons of sugar substitute on it. (Remember real sugar?) But, really, who am I kidding? It's grownup gruel, and no amount of maltodextrin and aspartame* is going to turn it into Cookie Crisp.
The days of Alpha Bits and Coco Puffs are gone. Also gummy bears, pixie sticks and Bubblicious.
And remember when pizza didn't include artichokes or fire-roasted anything?
Mom: (standing in line at the Pizza Hut take-out counter with my "Super Reader" coupon for a free kid-sized pie) "What do you want on your pizza?"
Eight-year-old me: "Cheese."
Mom: "Sausage?"
Me: "No. Cheese."
Mom: "How about olives?"
Me: (looks at her like she has a hearing problem) "Cheese."
Now, it's crunchy fiber twigs and soy protein grahams. It's fat-free raspberry vinaigrette salad dressing and things with capers and Dijon mustard. I eat spinach because it's good for me. For dinner last night, I had fish for the Omega-3. And I hate fish.
I have undeniably become a grownup. And really, I'm not sure it's better on this side of the fence. Somebody toss over some Cookie Crisp.
*sweetener ingredients
(Remember when drinking your milk was the biggest nutritional worry for kids? Of course, that was before cable when you had to tear the kid kicking and screaming off his bike to come in for dinner.)
Today, for breakfast, I had a cereal that the box describes as (I swear I am not making this up) crunchy fiber twigs and soy protein grahams. (You're jealous, I can tell.)
A college friend of mine had a guinea pig named Sally Tomato. And I have to say, this cereal looks suspiciously like what was left in Sally's bowl after the daily feeding. Of course, guinea pig leftovers probably taste a little more like alfalfa and a little less like 20-year-old cardboard than this stuff.
I put a banana and a couple of teaspoons of sugar substitute on it. (Remember real sugar?) But, really, who am I kidding? It's grownup gruel, and no amount of maltodextrin and aspartame* is going to turn it into Cookie Crisp.
The days of Alpha Bits and Coco Puffs are gone. Also gummy bears, pixie sticks and Bubblicious.
And remember when pizza didn't include artichokes or fire-roasted anything?
Mom: (standing in line at the Pizza Hut take-out counter with my "Super Reader" coupon for a free kid-sized pie) "What do you want on your pizza?"
Eight-year-old me: "Cheese."
Mom: "Sausage?"
Me: "No. Cheese."
Mom: "How about olives?"
Me: (looks at her like she has a hearing problem) "Cheese."
Now, it's crunchy fiber twigs and soy protein grahams. It's fat-free raspberry vinaigrette salad dressing and things with capers and Dijon mustard. I eat spinach because it's good for me. For dinner last night, I had fish for the Omega-3. And I hate fish.
I have undeniably become a grownup. And really, I'm not sure it's better on this side of the fence. Somebody toss over some Cookie Crisp.
*sweetener ingredients
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