Dispatches from the City of Angels
I'm a writer and humorist living in and writing about Los Angeles. You can catch my novel LOSING CLEMENTINE out March 6 from William Morrow. In the meantime, feel free to poke around. Over at my website you can find even more blog entries than I could fit here, as well as a few other ramblings. Enjoy and come back often.
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"Taint what a horse looks like, it’s what a horse be." - A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett
"Trying to take it easy after you've finished a manuscript is like trying to take it easy when you have a grease fire on a kitchen stove." - Jan Burke
"Put on your big girl panties, and deal with it." - Mom
"How you do anything is how you do everything."
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Eyeball Licker
Well, at least this one time, it wasn't just me.
CNN.com has posted a story on Nancy Pelosi's freakish, super-human blink fest during the State of the Union speech. Eight-five blinks per minute. That's 1.4 blinks per second.
There are whole 10-minute blocks of the speech I missed because I was so distracted by this. I found myself comparing her blinks to Cheney's blinks - who, it turns out, doesn't blink ever, further confirming the obvious conclusion that he is a reptile who must lick his own eyeballs when no one is looking.
And because I am a small and petty person, I was compelled to share this observation with my best friend who lives in San Francisco and is therefore legally required to burn effigies of the current president on her non-denominational, quasi-Wiccan altar made of post-consumer recyclables.
The following is an actual transcript of the e-mail conversation.
Her: "Okay, I totally almost spewed my water all over everything."
(No doubt this was fair-trade water.)
Me: "You know it's true. He's an eyeball licker."
Her: "Stop that! I'm gonna wet myself."
And then proving that I am not only small and petty but, all evidence to the contrary, a six-year-old boy -
Me: "EYEBALL LICKER! EYEBALL LICKER!"
I really shouldn't be allowed to vote.
CNN.com has posted a story on Nancy Pelosi's freakish, super-human blink fest during the State of the Union speech. Eight-five blinks per minute. That's 1.4 blinks per second.
There are whole 10-minute blocks of the speech I missed because I was so distracted by this. I found myself comparing her blinks to Cheney's blinks - who, it turns out, doesn't blink ever, further confirming the obvious conclusion that he is a reptile who must lick his own eyeballs when no one is looking.
And because I am a small and petty person, I was compelled to share this observation with my best friend who lives in San Francisco and is therefore legally required to burn effigies of the current president on her non-denominational, quasi-Wiccan altar made of post-consumer recyclables.
The following is an actual transcript of the e-mail conversation.
Her: "Okay, I totally almost spewed my water all over everything."
(No doubt this was fair-trade water.)
Me: "You know it's true. He's an eyeball licker."
Her: "Stop that! I'm gonna wet myself."
And then proving that I am not only small and petty but, all evidence to the contrary, a six-year-old boy -
Me: "EYEBALL LICKER! EYEBALL LICKER!"
I really shouldn't be allowed to vote.
Read/Post Comments (2)
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