Somewhere on Hollywood Blvd. is a frustrated commuter in a rumpled suit with his head smacked down on his steering wheel setting off a steady "WWWAAAAA!" from the car horn. He's been there for a week, and the street isn't expected to be open again until tomorrow.

It takes a long time to transform the Kodak Theater at the corner of Hollywood and Highland for Oscar night. First you have to cover up the Gap. And the Orange Julius. And the Victoria's Secret. And the pretzel place. Then again maybe they leave the pretzel place open. It's a long show; people might get hungry.

'Cause what they don't tell you on the red carpet is that the Kodak Theater is in a mall. Just a regular old mall in Hollywood. All that red fabric draped down the side of the building? Parking garage under there. Chinese fast food place. Maybe one of those Select Comfort mattress stores.

Don't get me wrong. It's a mall with, what I hear, is a very nice theater inside. Cushy seats and everything. I wouldn't know. Haven't been. But my public television magazine came in the mail Saturday, and Elmo is appearing in Sesame Street Live there just as soon as somebody sweeps up all the gold confetti and reopens the Limited. So there's your chance to sit in Jack Nicholson's residual butt heat.

In the meantime, if somebody could please reopen the streets, that guy in the suit really needs to get to work.