Dispatches from the City of Angels
I'm a writer and humorist living in and writing about Los Angeles. You can catch my novel LOSING CLEMENTINE out March 6 from William Morrow. In the meantime, feel free to poke around. Over at my website you can find even more blog entries than I could fit here, as well as a few other ramblings. Enjoy and come back often.
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"Taint what a horse looks like, it’s what a horse be." - A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett
"Trying to take it easy after you've finished a manuscript is like trying to take it easy when you have a grease fire on a kitchen stove." - Jan Burke
"Put on your big girl panties, and deal with it." - Mom
"How you do anything is how you do everything."
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Who-de-whos and rat poison
(WARNING: If this blog post were a movie, it would be rated R, which probably means Sharon Stone would want to star in it. But for our purposes, be aware the following essay contains humorous, although vaguely sexually suggestive, situations. Also Russians.)
Oh sure, I get the Viagra spam just like the rest of America. Also, it would appear that "Russian girls want to meet me," which somehow I doubt. I did have a Russian pen pal as a kid who wrote all her correspondence on graph paper, every letter of every word carefully printed in each single box, which is either cultural or she's now a serial killer. Hard to say.
But recently, there's been a fun new twist. I've begun receiving advertisements for (I am absolutely not making this up) MegaDik Penis Enlargement Pills.
Setting aside for the moment that this is exactly the sort of brand name I would make up for a book and secretly wish I'd thought of it first, who is actually buying this stuff? It must be somebody. One or two guys? (I know you're out there. Confess.)
It would almost be worth it to purchase a bottle just to keep around for a chuckle, assuming I could make the purchase with someone else's credit card number, which - let's face it - would likely end up in the hands of the aforementioned Russian girls.
What I really want to see is the ingredients list. They're either sugar pills or rat poison and antifreeze. Either way, I'm curious.
Also I do sort of wonder if there's a placebo effect. And if so, does it kick in before the rat poison?
Oh sure, I get the Viagra spam just like the rest of America. Also, it would appear that "Russian girls want to meet me," which somehow I doubt. I did have a Russian pen pal as a kid who wrote all her correspondence on graph paper, every letter of every word carefully printed in each single box, which is either cultural or she's now a serial killer. Hard to say.
But recently, there's been a fun new twist. I've begun receiving advertisements for (I am absolutely not making this up) MegaDik Penis Enlargement Pills.
Setting aside for the moment that this is exactly the sort of brand name I would make up for a book and secretly wish I'd thought of it first, who is actually buying this stuff? It must be somebody. One or two guys? (I know you're out there. Confess.)
It would almost be worth it to purchase a bottle just to keep around for a chuckle, assuming I could make the purchase with someone else's credit card number, which - let's face it - would likely end up in the hands of the aforementioned Russian girls.
What I really want to see is the ingredients list. They're either sugar pills or rat poison and antifreeze. Either way, I'm curious.
Also I do sort of wonder if there's a placebo effect. And if so, does it kick in before the rat poison?
Read/Post Comments (2)
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