Ashley Ream

If you - like me - are booking overseas travel, then you - like me - have noticed that the U.S. dollar is worth about half as much as, say, pocket lint. Oh, those halcyon days of one dollar for one euro are long gone, and don't even talk to me about the British pound.

This is why I'm one off-season coupon away from kissing Rick Steves with tongue.

Rick Steves with your knee high black socks, your walking sandals, your zip-off convertible short pants. You make my heart pitter-patter so. You with your guidebooks and your websites. You use words like "budget hotel." Prrrr... "Super saver discount." Growl. "Free on Mondays." Holy mother of God, if you utter one more "to save a few dollars," I will take off my pants.

It is because of you, Ricky - can I call you Ricky? - that I will be staying in hotel rooms without baths. You've convinced me. I see your dollar signs, your deutschmarks, and I'm putty in your frugal travel hands. I don't need no stinking towel service!

Restaurants in Paris? Never! I will not pay $40 for salad nicoise when I can have my stinky cheese amongst the people!

Say it with me! Nearly all museums in London are FREE!

Standing room at the Globe Theater? ONLY FIVE POUNDS!

Self-guided walking tours? YES, I CAN!

Two weeks in Europe with one carry-on-sized bag? For you Ricky, I'll just leave my panties at home.

Ashley Ream Dispatches from the City of Angels I'm a writer and humorist living in and writing about Los Angeles. You can catch my novel LOSING CLEMENTINE out March 6 from William Morrow. In the meantime, feel free to poke around. Over at my website you can find even more blog entries than I could fit here, as well as a few other ramblings. Enjoy and come back often.
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