If your future livelihood doesn't depend on the buying and selling of books, you might not know that pink slips are going around the big publishing houses like the stomach flu in a day care.

(Books make you sexy.)

Some writers are getting depressed about this. But not me.

(Read a novel - gain inches fast.)

I know that this is just a natural slowing down to be expected in a recession.

(Chicks dig guys with a big vocabulary.)

And that with proper marketing...

(Reading is like a blow job from angels. Seriously.)

...things will turn right around.

(It's free hooker night at your local independent bookstore!)

Yep, those sales are going to perk up any minute. I can feel it.

(Moby Dick is actually porn. Pass it on.)