I'm not a humorist. I'm a medicine woman.

An article in Scientific American looks into the positive effects of humor on the human body and psyche. And man, am I feeling good about my job right now? I'm not writing a goofy tale about a paparazzo gallivanting across Beverly Hills with a celebutante, I'm curing arthritis.

Humor, it seems, has an analgesic effect and decreases anxiety. And the ability to appreciate it is linked to life satisfaction and emotional resilience. Anyone who's been crazy enough to watch the stock reports lately could probably use a little emotional resilience about now.

Laughter may also help alleviate allergic reactions.

It's also been shown to - uh. Allergic reactions, you say, Mr. Doctor Man?

Okay, maybe it helps if you're a Japanese baby with eczema in a controlled medical study, but I'm none of those things. I still laugh all the time. All the time. Even - my husband claims - in my sleep, and I live in fear that someday a giant Persian will lie on my face in the middle of the night sending me into anaphylactic shock resulting in "sudden cardiovascular collapse" and my face swelling up like a balloon.

(Hey, if you have to die, die pretty. No balloon face.)

But if you ARE a Japanese baby with eczema, man, are you in luck.

Also women find humor, considered an "intellectual skill," sexy in male mates. The men, I'm sorry to tell you, did not find humor sexy in women. We can only assume these were emotionally stunted test subjects with some sort of deep psychological trauma related to their mothers or their penises. Or their mothers' penises. It's hard to say. Maybe they were really Japanese babies with eczema.

Laughter, it seems, can also alleviate mild depression and can be used as a clinical therapy aid. Take that Big Pharma.

So clear out your medicine cabinet and rent a Marx Brothers movie instead. Or buy my books. When they come out. Please. I love you.