Oh for fuck's sake, I just managed to squeeze out a post despite feeling like there's nothing worth keeping on for and accidentally deleted it. Thank you for the messages, both here and on fb. I don't honestly know if it will get better - truth is I've been too depressed for too long and people have had enough. Real life people. I can't motivate myself to do anything for myself. Haven't walked. Still, I've blogged now, for what it's worth.

I know I should find some things to be grateful for but even that's hard. But I know I am grateful for the roof over my head, the chair I sit in, the computer I write with, the messages of kindness and the sleeping pills which I will now take.

xxxx