Well, I'm home again now and I haven't cried at all, nor felt like it, since first thing this morning.

I did have a quick outbreak then, after being woken up by someone banging on the door and then the room seeming to be full of people, none of whom I'd seen before, two of whom were men: I became instantly overwhelmed by ED's loss of privacy, dignity, control - argh - all that stuff she has to deal with now and will have on into the future and one morning of it was too much for me.

So I fled to the veranda and stood looking out over this:




and smoked two fags and had a big boo hoo until someone behind me asked if me and ED had had a good day yesterday, and it was T and we had a good long chat, joined by J, another resident who smokes - honestly, I could tell you a tale or two but I mustn't. Can't be talking to residents then coming and blabbing their lives all over the internet.



Eventually we made it out, me and my girl, to the woods, the woods we used to go to from her proper home. We started in the caff:



because they do great food. ED had this:



portobello mushrooms with tomatoes and grilled goat's cheese and a pesto dressing. After every mouthful she said, "This...is...expletive...deleted...delicious!" Bless - she had a phase of being angry a while ago and swore a lot, to the distress of some of the elderly residents who complained. Somehow she's managed to retain that information - I told her I don't give a fuck about her or anyone else swearing, but she's not going to. Good for her.

After lunch we went round the 'mobility trail', which is so soothing to the spirit, no matter what the season:



although somewhat squelchy:



ED had a go at pushing herself every now and then, by turning those wheels with her hands (we've never managed to get her to grasp the rims, which stay clean as they don't touch the ground), so she was pretty much covered in mud by the time we finished. Job done - proper day out. We stopped quite frequently for me to have a rest and on one of them she said, "This has been a wonderful afternoon," which was fucking magic. It's been so long since I've known for sure if what I was doing was of any benefit to her - I mean she didn't complain yesterday and nodded her head each time we asked her if she was OK, but this was an unsolicited testimonial and it made my day.

Yesterday was quite stressful - whoever designed the roundabout system in Bucks has a twisted sense of humour - they keep coming in clusters of two or three or even, god help us, four, all linked together so you have no idea which lane you're meant to be in even if you do know which exit you want, which we didn't. And poor ED had to be fitted for new bras and try them on which involved being mauled about basically, so that wasn't any fun, despite it being a Day Out.

But today was really chilled. She enjoyed exploring different sizes and textures of sticks:



and being in the air, listening to the birds. It was all just fab.



I left her tucked up in bed, with SIL and GS visiting. And the drive home was a piece of cake - did my section of the M25 in thirty minutes, which is unheard of!

Today I am grateful for: The look of contentment on ED's face; coming home to a tidy flat (Ha - I was going to say 'and a silent cat' but that reminded me I let her out two hours ago - she's in but she's not silent now, most indignant); good chat with YD; finding that I'd left half a pouch of baccy at home when I thought I must've smoked it all; feeling part of a community

Sweet dreams xxx