I guess I'm not going to be able to write much while GS is here, although the need to offload somewhere is great. But he's sleeping on the sofa which is behind the computer so that's that, a quickie then off to bed. Yes, I can just about remember when it was off to bed for a quickie, but only just.

Today wasn't great. I have no words of consolation or distraction for GS. His pain is etched across his face, breaking what's left of my heart. He had quite a good time at my sister's for a while today, getting stuck into the muddle of dogs and babies but sadly we left too soon, to go dog racing, which wasn't all that. It was exciting while they were racing but with long, long pauses in between. This was when other punters were chucking back the booze, but we just sunk into our gloom. I won four quid on the first race and GS won seven on the last, so we made one whole pound of profit which seemed OK. He's not allowed to bet but I let him pick a dog and put a quid on for him.

Tomorrow we're returning to the allotment, which he seems quite chipper about and on Friday morning Bloke (aka Grandad) will take him home.

WE did have a brief chat about what's happening to Mummy, but there's not much to say really, is there? It's fucking awful, there's nothing can be done, it makes us all miserable as shit but we love each other and will do our best to be there trying not to make things worse.

And now off to bed before midnight.

Today I am grateful for: Sis and her brood; sunshine; acupuncture; having a car; having a GS asleep on the sofa, no matter what.

xx