Feeling a bit weird so just gonna blether on and see what comes out. Everything is breaking - my camera, the keyboard, my laptop, other stuff I've forgotten. Fucking Virgin didn't send the sim card for my phone today - a bonus summer day spent indoors, though it's scary - climate change is happening and still all we hear is make/buy more disposable shit, waste resources, ignore the future - every month we're getting record-breaking weather - and Halloween pisses me off, the way the American version has been foisted upon us out of nowhere mainly as a means of selling vast quantities of disposable shit, what about Bonfire Night - sound like an old git, probably because I'm becoming one, I'm too tired for all this shit, the lack of hope for the future, this world we've created, I don't want to live in it, I want to be somewhere else, no, I want it to change, to be kinder, gentler. I saw that Robbie Williams video he posted from during his wife's labour, on Gogglebox, and everyone was condemning him for being so crass, but bloody hell, don't we all know that he has bi-polar - he's talked about it enough and everyone 'gets' the downside, the depression - well, this is the 'up' side, no judgement, no stopping himself, he'll have woken up from it and been so overwhelmed with shame and now there's this programme with 'ordinary' people voicing their contempt - no progress on understanding mental health, though Williams clearly maintains a certain level of twattishness at all times.

Stepfordtart (@diaryland.com, sorry, can't do link) - anyway, her, her costume for Halloween was fucking awesome and made me laugh more than anything else all day.

I'm so scared for my girl and feel so lonely. I HATE HATE HATE living alone, trying to keep going, man, it's been so hard, so many little things going wrong, making life more complicated when I haven't got the head for any of it and just keeping going, one foot in front of the other, with a streaming cold, now with cough and I miss her so much I CANNOT BEAR IT

and writing that made the tears come and now I'm becalmed and I'm going to bed.