Much better day today. YD went to see Grandson and cooked him some home-made chicken soup. Here's the thing. Didn't know I was going to say this, but I am. His step-dad, ED's partner, aka SIL, looked like he wanted to leave three years ago. I don't hold that against him particularly - a person can only do what they can do and not everyone has it in them to raise a child not their own while the boy's mother slowly slides into a fog then dies. But he didn't leave and was in fact brilliant when she first went into the care home. But that was eighteen months ago. He's not doing great now. Which may be because he's finding it very hard or because he wants out. GS is coming to the end of an educational stage - if he's going to move across the country this summer is the time to do it. So are we gonna ask him? SIL. I mean, not GS. Me and YD would fight for GS, as would his father.

Anyway, that's not what I meant to say, but that's what popped out so I'm letting it lie and on we go.

Good things today:

1) I had my last, signing off, appt with the 'health trainer' who advised me through the stopping smoking. Felt good to blurt out my anxieties over prioritising mental or physical health - answer is mental health - there's fuck all wrong with me physically, but the anxiety made it grow.

2. Yoga - hurray!! Next week I'll be able to return to twice weekly Jim-yoga and just you watch how my mood and appetite will stabilise. Today it was packed; I was far too close to the wall and to the young lad next to me. I didn't like it. I felt old and fat and hot and sweaty next to his fucking youthfulness. But after a short time Jim had us get into pairs and sit cross-legged and back to back, leaning into one another, and it was me and the young man. Jim wittered on about breathing deeply, releasing, relaxing blah blah blah. It felt fucking great.

3. This comic strip MsBrasil (as was) made about my little accident at Niagara Falls, six years ago, which came up on Facebook's 'On this day' jobbie. Six years ago. That's part one. I'll link to the rest day by day.

4. Getting a note from one of my favourite ex-students inviting me to meet up with him. We've done this a couple of times and it's been OK, but he's finally come out of the closet, so it will be even better now, I think. I kept kind of inviting him to come out to me, but he didn't and I didn't feel it was up to me to push him. He lives along the coast where it's not quite the same as here, unfortunately. But he is a darling, sweet, clever boy (well, almost 30 now) and I am lucky he wants to be in my life.

5. Cooking hake for my dinner, with a few new potatoes, a big pile of beans and a whole bag of spinach, delish.

6. And... we were invited to go to the house to witness for legal purposes that the tenant had moved out. Which she has, just left a mountain of shite and a knackered dad clearing it all away. We should exchange contracts within a day or two, then complete a week after that, Maybe. So. Here are some pics. As you can see, it's a bit of a shit-hole. Astonishing - quarter of a million quid. But it's sound. New wiring, plumbing and boiler.

First things first - garden. All those evergreens will be out and you will be amazed at its transformation into a little piece of paradise. Honest.



Rest of garden, back of house:



Honestly, I could have cried when I saw what a fucking mess it is, but it won't take long to turn it around



Behind the pink suitcase is a proper fireplace with a chimney:



That's not Bloke.



The plan is to put Bloke's furniture in the back rooms and leave mine here while we blitz the downstairs front room (with the fireplace) and the front bedroom. Bish bash bosh, skim the ceilings to get rid of that horrid textured stuff, paint it all white for now, not too fussy, just get it done. Then I'll move my stuff over and we can have a think about the kitchen and what have you but with at least a couple of rooms that feel OK.

Yikes.

I am grateful for: feeling better; Bloke; YD; new beginnings; a teeny tiny bit of bloody hope

Sweet dreams xxx