Struggling to come to terms with ED's drop in communication ability. Until the visit this Saturday, even when she couldn't speak we could ask her questions with a yes/no answer and she'd be able to indicate her preference, by choosing a hand held up, by blinking or by squeezing a hand. Not now. Nothing. Oh man. It may come back, sometimes things flicker on and off before going altogether, but it may not. She's still in there - she laughed and snorted quite a lot, always in appropriate places, like when YD, GS and I played a board game, with a lot of blatant cheating and larking about - she found that amusing. But still.

So I kind of lost Sunday. I let myself feel the feelings all morning, then dragged myself out, bought some wool, some food, walked on the beach.





I've decided I want to do some knitting and/or crochet, which is tricky as I don't have the patience for anything too big (like a jumper or a cardie) and everything else I can make is kind of crap. But I came across this:



which is about bodging things together in interesting colours and textures, so I thought I'd try some of that. I can imagine a good scarf, or a cushion cover. I've got shit loads of wool (I'm a granny, there are rules):



The author of the book said to make a pile of ones you like together, and live with it for a bit, adding and subtracting to see the effects. This was my pile:



Not sure about the yellow.

Then I cooked a roast dinner, fucked it all up by not remembering to look at the time when I put things in the oven, burning the bread sauce by not noticing it was on full heat, ach, awful. Became increasingly agitated.

Thought I'd calm myself down with some 'free-knitting' in front of Downton. Last episode of the last series, though with a Christmas special still to endure. I really hate Downton fucking Abbey, though I do watch it. I'll have a proper rant about it when it's aired in the US, tho I'll probably have forgotten by then.

I made my first fragment:



and it wasn't at all relaxing as you're endlessly chopping and changing. I think I will like it, though I'm not great with colours - they change, don't they? That strong pink, that goes across, down and back across, looked fine in the pile, but it's jarring in amongst the others.

So I thought I'd crochet a string bag. It seemed to be going well, until I realised I must have been adding a stitch each time I completed a round, as there was a big bulge:



So that pissed me off and I went to bed, cross.

Today I have been to yoga, calmed down, cried during the relaxation, didn't care. Unpicked the poxy crochet and re-did it this evening, so I'm back to where I thought I was last night, without the bulge.

Tomorrow I'm going to the optician's and a plasterer is coming to smooth out the lumps in the front room.

I am grateful for: my yoga class; a car to get to it in; the prospect of the front room being usable; being snug indoors on a windy night; being able to knit and crochet.

Sleep tight xxx