Gah, it's nearly half past one in the morning and I still haven't written anything here. Just taken my sleeping pill so will bash on till I get groggy.

The trip to the Isle of Wight was OK, but it was a rest for YD rather than for me. I hope it was beneficial for her - hard to say.

Last night Johnny Depp was on Graham Norton. GN asked him about turning up at childrens' hospitals dressed as Jack Sparrow. JD explained that his daughter had been in Great Ormond Street Hospital*, saying, "I've known darkness in my life, but never dark times like that. Those kids on the wards are cool. It's the parents who are slowly dying." Aw, man. That's how it is. For sisters too, and brothers. He's right about the kids - when I was the hospital teacher there were quite a few with various cancers who returned again and again, and they were all cool, dead mellow. Anyway, Depp's words struck a chord with me - I forget that I'm not just a miserable old cow, but that no one could be happy with this shit going on.

We're going to see her tomorrow, ED that is. It's been too long - things have kept intervening and now I feel scared that she will have fallen further away.

*big London hosp for sick kids - JMM Barrie left the earnings from Peter Pan to it, in perpetuity

Meanwhile, the hedges have gone and the garden has changed from this:



to this



This is all good - can you see how much extra space we have? Leylandii have been mis-selled for small gardens as quick-growing hedges, without enough mention of their reaching over 100 ft, and sucking all the goodness and water out of the soil all around. They have little to offer, in my opinion, as they're always the same, just bigger. No seasonal variations, no nothing, just looming shade.

Anyway, now we have what for Brits is just a massive fucking garden, as wide as most people's are long. it will become an oasis of fucking loveliness, you just wait. (Unless the test on Wednesday reveals that I do have bladder cancer - at the moment I'm concentrating my panic on the idea of a micro camera being inserted up my urethra.)

These are the footballs and other assorted balls that emerged from within the hedge as it came down.



Fucking hell, is all I have to say about that.

Also fireplace installed, but have to wait ten days before lighting log fire. By then the rest should be a bit more sorted.

Thank you for persevering to the end, if you have. I am grateful for your continued presence, including you silent types. waving at Bert and Hveitveis and that person from Birmingham. Thank you xxx

I am grateful, the hours spent moving books today did come to an end; new projects; friends; remembering I'm not alone in my sorrow; pie for tea


xxx