It is good having my girl down here, close by, but it's also hard, in a different way. I've seen her every day except yesterday and it's like she has become my life. The care home seems good so far. They care and they've made it a home, which is more than a lot of places. She had a bath yesterday - it must be going on five years since she last had a bath. She liked it, they said, relaxed into it and slept well afterwards.

I don't know - I'm all over the place. Heightened emotions, not necessarily reliable, all over the place. Tired as a tired thing from planet tired. Grinding my teeth and the mouth guard doesn't fit because my teeth are on the move since I walked into that door a few years ago and they've started sticking out all over the place. I didn't realise how much till I was sorting through ED's photos that she had in her room and saw that they were pretty straight and even just a few years ago.

So she's settling in well and it's only been a week. I thought I wanted to write more, but this is too big and needs to settle. It's hard to write about anything else but I don't want to force myself to articulate half-formed shit about this and have it sitting here as if it's the truth when it may well not be.

So. Five good things about today.

1. Two people (the acupuncturist and the yoga teacher) commented that I look much more chilled since ED has moved down. I guess that's good - I don't know that I feel it, but I have no real sense of how I felt before so what do I know.

2. Driving along the coast road in the evening sun with Joan Armatrading suddenly on the radio, this track



bloody lovely

3. Found out James are playing Glasto - I came late to James and still haven't had enough. They've got a weird slot - 11.30 am on the Other Stage which is miles from the Kids' Field. I haven't even looked at my book-making shit for the workshops yet, though I did have a brainwave and ordered some proper postcards online - the ones you can buy in shops have got lighter and lighter till now they're just paper and no good as a book cover. Can't believe it took me so long to think of ordering online. Also can't believe they've put Will Young and Art Garfunkel on at the same time.



4. Bloke has gone away for a few days and I'm very much liking being alone in the house.

5. ED's little smile

Sleep tight xxx