Wanted to do gratitudes but it doesn't feel honest. I know I have some things easy compared to many people but also I am sad and lonely, so lonely. I love and appreciate my online friends but on my birthday there was only one card (apart from my kids), no calls, no hugs. People knew I fled Glasto in a state, but still no calls, no nothing in real life. I have to fight hard to not believe this is because I am a grade A cunt, and I'm still not entirely convinced, because some people just ARE grade A cunts, and imagine if they were sat there justifying people's responses. I tell myself a) people are busy b) they have their own shit c) they don't hate me but they can't handle my shit, not right now, it's too hardcore, dying child and that d) I am a pain in the arse - fact - I don't listen any more, not much, not often, as I don't care, stop droning on, I can't listen to this, I don't care. This is not going to enhance my friendships. And I don't know why I want them, when I'm not really prepared to do much maintenance.