1. Ed's health is still indeterminate - she is not always in pain, but often is - she looks better than before but then doesn't and is mostly lying down in her bed, like a wee soul. Appointments with medical people loom but then disappear when we almost get to them. Including the hospice.

2. I am convinced the only thing keeping me even vaguely steady is doing a ten minute guided meditation every morning from the headspace.com site. Or app, as I have it on my phone. I think it resets me, back down to neutral, stopping the despair spiralling off into the stratosphere.

3. SIL (YD's sculptor husband, not ED's unspeakable 'partner') has been shortlisted to be artist-in-residence at a prestigious conceptual art gallery and gave his presentation today. There were hundreds of applicants and a short-list of fewer than ten, so we are proud as fuck, us Notbobs.

4. Today I did the training to be a volunteer writing mentor for 'disadvantaged' kids. I know. Who'd've thought it? Now I am so tired I'm beyond anything. I have to do a minimum of four two-hour sessions within six months, which seems do-able, in theory at least. I cannot overstate the significance of me taking this step - I have almost volunteered loads of times, but apart from Glasto workshops, have done nothing for about eight years. So although I haven't actually done a session with the kids, doing a day's training is a fucking start.

5. I swam in the sea yesterday, 21st September, pretty good going. May still get another one in. Have swimming stuff in car, in case the opportunity arises. Tomorrow could be good, unless the wind gets up. I'm only in it for the pleasure, not the heroics. So I'm interested in how late in the year it remains enjoyable, not bearable.

I am grateful for: the photo-a-day project, keeping my attention in safe places; not being tempted to eat much in the way of shit foodstuffs, like fizzy drinks and pizza - being a person who chooses to drink water, from the tap mostly; Son coming down at the weekend; seeing that person dressed as a zebra again, playing the piano in the street, staying in character as a slightly nervy, fey creature for ages; early night, before midnight.

Sweet dreams xxx