Lloyd is terribly affected by sugar. I have to do some research on it because last I read (from a psychology text) sugar excitement in kids is a myth and it's really the "party" atmosphere accompanying sugar that riles kids. Well, I gave the kid medicine and the word is "maniac" that I see. He helped himself to raisins too, and he has not stopped talking all morning--two hours and going strong. I feel like shit, still. He doesn't look like he feels bad, but he should. I'm almost considering letting him tough this out without medicine (Oh yeah, he finally caught this cold/flu bug) because then he'll sit quietly or sleep.

More on my current events--he is calling me daily. That's not cool. Yesterday he sounded like a junkie again. Basically that is a guy who is crashing under normal, everyday pressures. That's when, out in the real world, he'll consider using. Add a few of those moments up and he'll justify using.

His dad is so angry. I have to know I can't change him or have any outright affect on how he feels. All I can do is end any conversations which make me uncomfortable. He said he needs to have a talk with ... us? about money. I'm just going to let this out here--there is no f---ing way I'm getting blamed for any of his money troubles and I am not going to be talked to by another adult who thinks his finger pointed in my face is magic. As far as it goes with the money, dad-in-law, ask your son to pay back anything you've lent, sorry you didn't have the balls to ask him if he was using before lending it, and mind your own f---ing money business.

Family has been both the best and worst in all this. My dad's come out of the blue to support me, which I'm grateful for, but he's pushing the divorce theme.

These men are both lifelong smokers. They think people can't change. I have seen roomfulls of miracles of worse addictions.

The point is, when my husband calls, when my dad and dad-in-law call, when anyone is about to cross my boundaries, I can wrap up the conversation and hold my own head up.