Me and coughing don't get along since baby #3. Perhaps the anesthesiologist misread my chart and thought I was an elephant. This baby--not the first, who was out in 8 pushes, or the second, who gave me a 40-minute labor--should have fallen out on the car ride to the hospital, but instead took an hour and a half of pushing, experienced decreased heart rate, and had to be sucked out with a vacuum. And all mommy got was a new hemmorhoid and hernia. I am suffering. At the hands of an extremely well-paid doctor and probably crummy golfer, I can't cough without holding in my hernia in and I can't pick up my babies without EXTREME pain. Of course, the day I mention that my hernia has never hurt but just annoyed me is the day it starts to hurt. My ass is another story. I used to be one of those fun girls, but that's as far as I'll ever blog about those adventures ... I think.

Very well, Dr. Anesthesia, some day I'll pay my fancy co-pays to fix my ass back up (I'm sure healing is a blast) and have my runaway small intestine part reunite with the rest of it .... But until then, I hate you, I know it's your fault because my OBGYN told me I was too numb to push effectively but had to anyway, and yours is coming. Because you're not allowed to make mistakes. The sickest part is that, not only should I have had less medication, I would have preferred it. I did this twice before, once without meds. Did you know me at all?

Cough

*one arm over mouth, other hand holding in stomach*