Jesus, Jews are smart! I've always thought so, but the funeral service was so realistic I told my husband to bury me like a Jew.

I learned that grandma's mom died when she was just 16 months old and that her and grandpa met at work. The rabbi told us a story of grandpa's: grandma would tell her husband she was going to live to 100. "Are you threatening me?" he'd reply.

Grandma and grandpa were lightly Jewish. She converted before they were married, they tried to raise a really Jewish son, and pretty much followed tradition via the holidays and in their personal relationships with god.

The Jewish funeral home has the immediate family sit together in a small room beside the chapel. When gathered, a sliding door revealed us to other mourners in the chapel and the closed casket to us.

The rabbi kept the Hebrew to a minimum and shared a nice story about his homeland being dry in places and so lush in others. Water was the reason, he said, and grandma's life was like fallen water that you can't get back up. And it rained all day yesterday.

Except for the 20 minutes we spent at the cemetery, which followed the funeral service. The place was 20 minutes South and, strangely, dry as a bone.

The grave for the casket was obvious. The 2000 Catholic funerals I attended covered the hole. Not only was the dug grave plain as day, the casket was lowered into it before our eyes, pall bearers' gloves and all. Then each of us threw some dirt on top.

My in-laws held the reception (Shivah) at their house. We had to wash death off our hands before entering. They were only having visitors for the one day instead of seven, but will burn a candle for seven. They didn't cover their mirrors either. This was basically a celebration of life, with good food, friends, and happy photographs.

The Jews mourn the death and get it over with to enjoy the living. I called grandpa today, as promised, and will do so, hopefully daily, from now on, just because. I called my husband's other grandma too. My grandparents are gone, so I have his to love.