I'm plugged in ... because I'm breathing and everything. But the energy is going out my ear I think. I'm idle, in part because I'm broke. Not broken. I'm not that. That would be something else on someone else's blog. I've never been broken. And the weather is not my favorite. Trapped in the house/world with two little terrorists? ! Indoors? ! And they're feeling it too. I can tell.

I can't say, 'what's it going to take to spark life into me?' because 1. there is no thing and 2. I already have that thing if there is one. My training is bunk. I keep stopping myself before I start ... out of preservation. Out of some darkened place I succumb to, and continue the darkness of. I'm a pretender. I'm not sure what that means exactly. Any of it. I think it came out of my ear.

Indoors again. If this then that type of swirling going on. Instead of doing I'm thinking--if-fart residuals. What to do though that isn't plastered with poinsettias?

Monday I remembered I had forgotten about meditation. Wednesday, now, I remember what I realized on Monday, and my thinking makes sense all of a sudden.