...and I'm not talking about the favorite Girl Scout cookies that were fudge-coated and said thank you in different languages and I ate two boxes of.

I'm talking about you guys! You're amazing. Thank you.

Whether you fight the same battle or are Eric Mayer :) ... or whether you understand it or not--my husband doesn't, though it's the same as the addiction he's known--I find it incredible how you've reached out to me.

I can't say I was speaking entirely from the heart on that entry either. I was in fact in a fearful place. Protected by the heart/spirit? I don't know. Mostly scared and alone was the feeling. And I hate those entries I ... hate! I mean the ones I know I wasn't wholly present whilst writing. I write em anyway.

I write them because it helps me. It allows me to gather the spitball of thoughts and launch it elsewhere. No, not at taerkitty. But instead of having my own madness and hyper-self staring back at me I have you guys coming through for me just because.

Just because you guys want good things for another human being.

~~~

I am doing very well today. Yesterday I refrained from snacking, though the habit to eat with the kids or justify finishing this or having a taste of that was powerful. I literally felt the tension in my arms as I held them down from doing what they've grown accustomed to doing. Sounds weird, I know.

I also dealt with periods of time I ate through before. They were uncomfortable at first. This is so strange because four months ago I was on the other side of this. None of these thoughts or patterns existed. I loved emptiness and nothingness. I can love them again. And I didn't use the phone to get me by. No overly long numbing conversations with my mom or sister. The weather was gorgeous. I was able to be outside with the kids to play and talk and watch them chase squirrels and lay down on the warm cement to rest and smell skin's sunned sweetness. Seems easy.

One day of freedom, plus the good in you recognizing the good in me, gives me the feeling that it is easy. Easy enough to crack a smile about.

Now I can focus on the more important things like where the naked two-year old tinkled in his room....