Typing practice. Really I am quite impressed with that part of my brain that noted where the keys were as the rest of me was writing about the future of healthcare in America. Healthcare is technically not a word, though some of my texts thought so. I preferred the two-word version for word count purposes only. I think that healthcare, in a word, is practical.

And I'm kind of looking for a job online. Ironic that mom is all over the appropriately named monster.com while having to convince littlest baby who recently watched Monsters, Inc. that no, monsters aren't real, go back to sleep. They are real! And really scary. I can't picture myself working the 9-5 with kids in daycare. Hard to take the leap with 120 pounds, plus a diaper bag, under my arms. Harder than I had imagined. Seemingly impossible, really, and the negative attitude is pulling me under.

I'm not fantastic at this mom thing either. I have too many bad days in the mix. Bad, thank you, psychoanalytic psychology, in the sense that I can't organize my own thoughts let alone what the children should be doing. I am missing the mark ... aim like my parents. There's a name for it in the books. Of course, it's some kind of mom disorder. Dad gets off easy again. The weight of the world is starting to crush my uterus. My tits disappearing is evidence.

I knew why not having a car was horrible for me ... makes me think one of those Japanese companies should name a model the Psyche. I drive a Honda Psyche. The qualities of it keeping mom sane are endless. Soundproof backseat separator, alarm when sound level exceeds comfort zone, Advil dispenser, sleep-inducing backseats, maps to all kid-friendly locations in the area.

The weather is fucking me and no car is fucking me. Fuck me.

And I'm supposed to find solace in the idea that God's plan is in action: this is what is meant to be. The patriarchal figure would be correct then. No woman would do this to one of her sisters. Although I am getting the hint of humor and light of my life situation, mainly from writing about it. I need me some healthcare.