Well, I finally did it! No, I didn't get my license yet...but I am close, so close. I dyed my hair. Yeah, like I saved the world. Ha. But for me that was a huge deal. I was so afraid to change my natural hair color and that it would symbolize I was trying to remain youthful and not gracefully accept that I am aging. I am aging and I am okay with that. I will not get a boob job or tummy tuck or face lift or any of that. But this color change is so I don't know,.... cool. I have been thinking about it for years. Kind of like that tattoo...thinking and thinking.
I wonder if I will live to be 95 or so. Will I be a cute little grandma with purple hair and a quick wit or will I have lost my faculties and need someone to take care of me? Will I even make it that far. Life is so brief and tragedy is ever present. Do I take it all for granted. Do I appreciate enough of what I have? If it is over before I think I have answered all my questions then what? Will I come back to repeat my path or will I have successfully mastered this life enough to move on to a more difficult or easier one?
There is no one religion that particularly answers my questions or even gives me solace or peace of mind. They all say a little something that I find I can connect with but mainly I do not believe that what is after this life is better. This is it. I don't belive that we live to die and go somewhere else. There is meaning in nature and relationships and in nothing. And maybe that meaning is that life doesn't have to be meaningful. We could spend our whole lives trying to find meaning and we do. But why? Is it really so scary that life might not be meaningful that this is what you get. It must be the struggles with money and happiness. We all want to be happy. We all want to have enough to have food and shelter. In America, you hardly ever see someone living below there means. And why not? A question for another day.